I can tell I must have been a bit stressed out during my parents visit in these ways:
1. My right eye involuntarily twitched the whole weekend they were here. Went away this morning as they boarded their flight.
2. I drove the girls to a birthday party on Sunday afternoon and then voluntarily shoveled out the garage (the muck that melts from the car leaves a mess -- hubby is forever asking me to clear it out from my parking spot) rather than re-enter the house (where everyone was) right away.
3. My mother-in-law, over for dinner with my parents on Sunday evening, more than once, asked me in a kind, but concerned tone of voice: "C, are you OK?" Of course, first she had to get my attention because I was deeply spaced-out looking at something on the kitchen counter. Perhaps...staring at a non-existant spot I was wiping up for far too long on the kitchen counter.
The visit went very well overall - I can't complain. But I also have to admit I feel relieved to be at work today and getting back to our usual routine with the kids. And my eye isn't twitching anymore.
Monday, February 26, 2007
15 weeks and counting...
There was a headline on the NYTimes page and it read: "Mom's Mad, and She's Organized". The teaser of a title worked on me, so I clicked on it - but it was really just some tidbits on the MomsRising.org movement. While this movement does seem like something I could get behind - and in fact, I'm even tempted to host a screening party for the Film they offer on their site -- I can see me hosting that with desserts and coffee more than I can see me hosting another Simply Tasteful or "make-your-own-handbag (for $160)" parties... I'm starting to feel all volunteered out. So, instead of: "Mom's Mad and She's Organized" an article I'd like to read would be titled: "Mom's Stretched to Her Limit - and somewhat Organized".
I lead middle daughter's Girl Scout troop, I'm cookie mom for older daughter, and preparing her troop's winter camp presentation. Both are managable time committments - but only because my company has limited travel lately and my husband has changed to a local sales territory. If a big Asian client lead comes along - my organized little world would be deeply impacted. It's as if I'm on borrowed time..putting some volunteer hours "in the bank" while I can.
In addition there is this very worthy cause I've been assisting with at our church - an African Mission in Tanzania. I'm not sure how much time this will take just yet, but so far it's taking a little less time than Daisy Scouts.
I'm a big proponent of volunteerism. In fact, I volunteered a lot in High School and won some award for most hours candy-striping or some such thing. (And if I had a dollar for each time as a naive 14 year old I entered some male patient's room to deliver balloons or flowers and they asked me if I'd seen the movie about Candy Stripers -- which I later discovered was a porno classic - I could've paid for my college education in dollar bills.)
I think giving your time can sometimes be even better than just a plain ol' cash donation. Certainly I think it's setting a good example for our kids. Lucy has helped at "Feed My Starving Children" a couple of times, and the girls WANT to help out when I volunteer in the nursery. If this African Mission trip results in a family trip to Africa some day to meet the people who have so much spiritual strength, but so little materially - I think that will also be a fantastic lesson for my kids.
What motivates me to volunteer? If you'd asked me in High School I'd say it was because I didn't have a social life and I liked the chocolate pudding in the cafeteria at the hospital that I could eat for free after each volunteer shift. Besides, my Dad worked at that hospital, so I felt like my being there would somehow get back to him - if I did a good job. (Attention seeking, wanting to be needed? Yes. Not exactly altruistic. But - not all bad for a 13, 14, 15 year old kid.)
But why now? I stick to things I'm "good at". I'm good at entertaining 5 and 6 year olds with simple crafts and can help organize and create newsletters. I've always been the one creating the newsletters - ever since I was the only one with her own PC in college (that fact ought to freak my kids out when they're older -- mommy went to school back in the day where almost no one HAD a computer), and could figure out PageMaker (by Aldus, version 1.0) on her Apple Macintosh.
I'm good at tracking details - names, dates and phone numbers. I'm dependable - and eager to help. That's 99% of what people seem to need, so it fits the bill. I'm good at delegating. I'll say things like: "I'm happy to do the newsletter but I don't like to deal with the finances. How do you feel about keeping the checkbook for the organization?"
Most of all - I think I like that I'm more than "just a mom" or just a corporate worker bee. I think I must enjoy having these multiple hats. And honestly, it's a bit of a stretch for me. It takes me hours to screw up the nerve to telephone people. And when I come home and there's a message on the answering machine with a question that requires I call back and talk to someone, honestly, it fills me with some dread, even if the answer is easy. It's NEVER easy for me to talk to people I don't know all that well.
On the plus side - I've been able to meet wonderful people and have surrounded myself with people I really like thanks to volunteering. I really truly like my fellow Scout Co-Leaders - I adore the girls in the troop, and I've had nothing but nice experiences with the parents from both troops I've assisted with. I'm making 2 more nice friends in the Tanzania group - one a woman who leads a group that feeds needy people weekly in our area, the other organizes charitable giving around the holidays for people who would otherwise be forgotten or slip through the cracks. These are wonderful women, inspiring women. It's good company to have.
Still - this week on 5 out of 7 nights I'm committed to something related to either Tanzania or Girl Scouts, and it's starting to get to be a bit much. I'm now officially counting the days to the end of the school year because then Girl Scouts will take a break.
I lead middle daughter's Girl Scout troop, I'm cookie mom for older daughter, and preparing her troop's winter camp presentation. Both are managable time committments - but only because my company has limited travel lately and my husband has changed to a local sales territory. If a big Asian client lead comes along - my organized little world would be deeply impacted. It's as if I'm on borrowed time..putting some volunteer hours "in the bank" while I can.
In addition there is this very worthy cause I've been assisting with at our church - an African Mission in Tanzania. I'm not sure how much time this will take just yet, but so far it's taking a little less time than Daisy Scouts.
I'm a big proponent of volunteerism. In fact, I volunteered a lot in High School and won some award for most hours candy-striping or some such thing. (And if I had a dollar for each time as a naive 14 year old I entered some male patient's room to deliver balloons or flowers and they asked me if I'd seen the movie about Candy Stripers -- which I later discovered was a porno classic - I could've paid for my college education in dollar bills.)
I think giving your time can sometimes be even better than just a plain ol' cash donation. Certainly I think it's setting a good example for our kids. Lucy has helped at "Feed My Starving Children" a couple of times, and the girls WANT to help out when I volunteer in the nursery. If this African Mission trip results in a family trip to Africa some day to meet the people who have so much spiritual strength, but so little materially - I think that will also be a fantastic lesson for my kids.
What motivates me to volunteer? If you'd asked me in High School I'd say it was because I didn't have a social life and I liked the chocolate pudding in the cafeteria at the hospital that I could eat for free after each volunteer shift. Besides, my Dad worked at that hospital, so I felt like my being there would somehow get back to him - if I did a good job. (Attention seeking, wanting to be needed? Yes. Not exactly altruistic. But - not all bad for a 13, 14, 15 year old kid.)
But why now? I stick to things I'm "good at". I'm good at entertaining 5 and 6 year olds with simple crafts and can help organize and create newsletters. I've always been the one creating the newsletters - ever since I was the only one with her own PC in college (that fact ought to freak my kids out when they're older -- mommy went to school back in the day where almost no one HAD a computer), and could figure out PageMaker (by Aldus, version 1.0) on her Apple Macintosh.
I'm good at tracking details - names, dates and phone numbers. I'm dependable - and eager to help. That's 99% of what people seem to need, so it fits the bill. I'm good at delegating. I'll say things like: "I'm happy to do the newsletter but I don't like to deal with the finances. How do you feel about keeping the checkbook for the organization?"
Most of all - I think I like that I'm more than "just a mom" or just a corporate worker bee. I think I must enjoy having these multiple hats. And honestly, it's a bit of a stretch for me. It takes me hours to screw up the nerve to telephone people. And when I come home and there's a message on the answering machine with a question that requires I call back and talk to someone, honestly, it fills me with some dread, even if the answer is easy. It's NEVER easy for me to talk to people I don't know all that well.
On the plus side - I've been able to meet wonderful people and have surrounded myself with people I really like thanks to volunteering. I really truly like my fellow Scout Co-Leaders - I adore the girls in the troop, and I've had nothing but nice experiences with the parents from both troops I've assisted with. I'm making 2 more nice friends in the Tanzania group - one a woman who leads a group that feeds needy people weekly in our area, the other organizes charitable giving around the holidays for people who would otherwise be forgotten or slip through the cracks. These are wonderful women, inspiring women. It's good company to have.
Still - this week on 5 out of 7 nights I'm committed to something related to either Tanzania or Girl Scouts, and it's starting to get to be a bit much. I'm now officially counting the days to the end of the school year because then Girl Scouts will take a break.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Big Brother-esque?
Ever since I wrote that post about Mr. Man's OCD tendencies the heading on my Google Mail is an advert for a special camp in Ontario:
"Fun, nurturing camp for kids with special needs."
Me thinks the OCD subject line triggers this customized advert. Still, scary.
"Fun, nurturing camp for kids with special needs."
Me thinks the OCD subject line triggers this customized advert. Still, scary.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
My Sweet Little OCD Boy
Years after we lived together in college in our off-campus apartments my dearest friend Holly confessed when comparing notes with my husband about how she used to test out my OCD tendencies.
She’d set the can of shaving cream one way in the shower and flip the toilet paper roll so the sheets came from the bottom rather than top-over. Then she’d wait and she how quickly I’d go into the bathroom and set everything back “just so”. I couldn’t help myself. I can’t, even now.
I drive Jeff mad by putting away the car magazines he leaves out in “his” bathroom. I can’t settle into bed at night until the house is picked up to my satisfaction. I can’t (usually) leave the house with the bed unmade. Jeff teases me, gently, about my obsessive need to put things “just so” in the house.
The pillows on the couch go in a particular pattern – zippers facing down. When I find them in any other pattern I set them back – one large, closest to the arm, one small – each side just so.
I’m not “Monk” by any stretch – but it’s there. The obsessive compulsive tendencies I’ve inherited from my father that he says: “All Good Heilmans” have. (What do the BAD Heilmans have I want to know? Healthy mental well-being and good self-esteem?)
Anyways - recently I’ve noticed Mr. Man has most strongly inherited his mom’s OCD tendencies. Of all our kids – he’s the most upset when things aren’t “just so”. We noticed it first when he was just starting to talk and he yelled at Daddy for not zipping his coat the right way!
Then one night this winter when he was going to sleep in our bed he asked for a tissue to wipe his nose and then would NOT lay down or rest until it was in the garbage can in the bathroom. No amount of my assuring him I’d throw it away would calm him – I had to get up right then and throw it away. (Or let him do so).
This morning as we called him down to breakfast from the upstairs he said: “Yay! Breakfast!!” and then paused at the top of the stairs. He saw a wet washcloth that Daddy had left there – probably on it’s way to the laundry and just momentarily waylaid at the top of the steps to the lower level. Without saying a word he picked up the washcloth and put it neatly in the bathroom sink – where wet wash cloths should be, right?
I yelled down to Jeff: “Look what he did!! Oh my sweet little OCD boy!! What a good boy!” Jeff said: “No! Don’t encourage him!!” And I suppose I can see his point..
But I ask you – would ANY mom in her right mind not be thrilled with a 2 year old who has an ingrained sense of need to pick up the house? A natural inclination to tidying?
Heck no! I’m thrilled – and yet again awed by the power of genetics.
She’d set the can of shaving cream one way in the shower and flip the toilet paper roll so the sheets came from the bottom rather than top-over. Then she’d wait and she how quickly I’d go into the bathroom and set everything back “just so”. I couldn’t help myself. I can’t, even now.
I drive Jeff mad by putting away the car magazines he leaves out in “his” bathroom. I can’t settle into bed at night until the house is picked up to my satisfaction. I can’t (usually) leave the house with the bed unmade. Jeff teases me, gently, about my obsessive need to put things “just so” in the house.
The pillows on the couch go in a particular pattern – zippers facing down. When I find them in any other pattern I set them back – one large, closest to the arm, one small – each side just so.
I’m not “Monk” by any stretch – but it’s there. The obsessive compulsive tendencies I’ve inherited from my father that he says: “All Good Heilmans” have. (What do the BAD Heilmans have I want to know? Healthy mental well-being and good self-esteem?)
Anyways - recently I’ve noticed Mr. Man has most strongly inherited his mom’s OCD tendencies. Of all our kids – he’s the most upset when things aren’t “just so”. We noticed it first when he was just starting to talk and he yelled at Daddy for not zipping his coat the right way!
Then one night this winter when he was going to sleep in our bed he asked for a tissue to wipe his nose and then would NOT lay down or rest until it was in the garbage can in the bathroom. No amount of my assuring him I’d throw it away would calm him – I had to get up right then and throw it away. (Or let him do so).
This morning as we called him down to breakfast from the upstairs he said: “Yay! Breakfast!!” and then paused at the top of the stairs. He saw a wet washcloth that Daddy had left there – probably on it’s way to the laundry and just momentarily waylaid at the top of the steps to the lower level. Without saying a word he picked up the washcloth and put it neatly in the bathroom sink – where wet wash cloths should be, right?
I yelled down to Jeff: “Look what he did!! Oh my sweet little OCD boy!! What a good boy!” Jeff said: “No! Don’t encourage him!!” And I suppose I can see his point..
But I ask you – would ANY mom in her right mind not be thrilled with a 2 year old who has an ingrained sense of need to pick up the house? A natural inclination to tidying?
Heck no! I’m thrilled – and yet again awed by the power of genetics.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Plenty of Inspiration, Little Space or Time
Thanks to my dear friend, Ang, I have already done some seed shopping. The packets of burpee hybrid cuke seeds and the cutting garden flowers I plan to try this spring/summer are sitting on my kitchen counter winking at me. I also want to plant strawberries, and our usual sunflowers.
The question I am pondering is WHERE will I start these seeds at? Our tiny house is packed to the gills. Probably I'll have to set up grow-lamps in the crawl space and my seeds will serve as scenery for Mr. Man's subterrenean train track.
See that center of the train track? It's just asking for a bunch of sun lamps and seedlings - all the better for the passengers in the caboose to admire, no?
The next question is WHEN will I start these seeds? Luckily, because it takes 6-8 weeks before we can plant the seedlings outside, I won't need to start them before early-April.. because we can't safely plant anything in the tundra outdoors until mid-to-late May.
I figure by April maybe some of my craziness with Girl Scout cookies, the Girl Scout Daisy troop, my sister's baby shower (I'm doing the games), and the African Mission volunteer group I'm involved with should have slowed down a bit, or come to an end. (Cookies and the shower should be done by then.)
So - I stare wistfully at the seed packets. They're a promise of warmer weather, and a dream of a time when when my to-do list might be a bit shorter. Of course, that's sort of like how last September I dreamed this winter would be about sitting in the rocking chair by the fire quilting while it snowed outside.
Here's Friday's poem:
"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." - John Lennon:
Quilting by the fire, gardening in the sun, reading in a sunny nook of the kitchen are plans I make and break with myself, over and over.
Perhaps when I am old and gray I will plan to hold my grandchildren close and chase them across the park. And instead find myself sitting in a sunny nook cursing the book on gardening in my hand with the quilt on my lap.
So for now, I'll try hard to cherish the interuptions of: "Mommy! Play!" and the cookies to bake, the clothes to fold the school papers to sign. The never ending heap of laundry to wash, fold and put away.
Man makes plans and God laughs. Mann traoch, Gott läuch.
Maybe I'll start a garden only to sell the house.
Make a quilt only to have it lost in shipping.
Find a sunny nook only to have it grow dark and rain outside.
Life keeps trying to teach me -
Better to enjoy the day for what it is, than plan for what it could be.
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