Here's the sort of news story that pisses me off.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/26/us/26center.html?ex=1332648000&en=f291ce3ee416425f&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
The BIG headline reads: "Poor Behavior Is Linked to Time in Day Care"
But then, even a cursory look at the facts (within the very article the headline is referring to) shows that the headline is false for the most part.
"The effect was slight, and well within the normal range for healthy children, the researchers found. And as expected, parents’ guidance and their genes had by far the strongest influence on how children behaved. "
...and then further disproved by this statement: "On the positive side, they also found that time spent in high-quality day care centers was correlated with higher vocabulary scores through elementary school."
So, let me get this straight. It's a slight effect. If you're a good parent - teaching your child to be respectful, to listen and obey authority figures such as their school teachers and your genetics are such that you are or were a compliant child and your child is also compliant (as opposed to defiant or oppositional) - day care or not, your child will likely not be disruptive in school.
But that's not what the headline says. Nor does the headline read: "High Quality Day Care Correlated with Higher Vocabulary Scores; Poorly parented kids with genetic behavioral disorders may be disruptive in school" ... which is probably far closer to the truth.
The headline is intended to play on the very guilt and fear most working parents already have. The: "Am I doing the right thing?" or "Should we move where it's less expensive, so we can have just one income... but then, the schools aren't as good?" Because folks, it's usually a trade off. It's not like all these mothers and fathers are working just for the fun of it. Usually they HAVE to work in order to provide for their children. That's just how it goes these days.
Moreover, what really burns me up is this sort of speculation in the article:
"The authors and other experts argue that preschool peer groups probably influence children in different ways from one-on-one attention. In large groups of youngsters, disruption can be as contagious as silliness, studies have found, while children can be calmed by just the sight of their own mother. "
Note the word: MOTHER. And by the way, just the sight of me does NOT calm my children. What a load of crap. Even my most withering glance sometimes just gets an eye roll from my kids. It's the frightening tone of my voice and the fact that I'm counting: "One....Two.... Three..." and they know when I get to three that they're going to get a negative consequence to their misbehavior that would end that silliness or disruption.
But seriously, the article mentions mothers more than once. No mention of fathers, because apparently it's not their fault if their children are in daycare. It's those mothers. The ones who think they can "have it all" by working AND having children. How dare we? Shouldn't we know that by attempting to work outside the home we'll be shortchanging the future of America? Creating more aggressive children? Granted, potentially those children will have greater school-readiness and better vocabulary scores if they've been in a good pre-school day care - but still, we're hurting these children with our selfish desire to work outside of the home.
Chuh!
Here's my thought: I pay a ton for good day care. I feel blessed every day that we can pay for good day care - and think that ALL working parents should be able to afford it. Ah... but it's supply and demand, isn't it? So, what's the solution?
Highly paid (highly government subsidized), highly trained excellent day care for all, free of cost to all parents who can prove outside employment. This ought to be a government provided benefit. The child to care giver ratio should be 1 : 2 for children under 12 months, 1: 3 until 33 months, and 1:5 from 33 months thru age 5.
We should hire retirees/grandparents who want to hold children and just read to them, we should hire young mothers who are attending college at night, we should hire teenagers for after school jobs who want to play on a playground with a group of rambunctious toddlers... we should hire anyone who loves chidren and is willing to submit themselves to extensive training and a deep background check to prove they aren't a pervert.
I hope to God that some day instead of jobs at McDonalds my teens will be able to get after-school jobs at a "Toddler Center" or nursery school.
Other countries (Japan, Netherlands, China, Singapore, Belgium, France) do this - why are we so far behind in this area? If we truly have reached the point in time when we need every adult man and woman working productively in order to sustain our national economy then we seriously need to be re-thinking child care and child care subsidies.
Moreover, I never want to hear a repeat of this 1950s "Leave it to Beaver"-esque crap again. Mothers work outside the home people and have done so in increasing numbers for nearly a century now, get over it. In 2007 half the workforce is female. Half or more of that female workforce is probably a caregiver to a child or elderly adult. Times have changed and it's almost never an option for a family to get by on a single income. Stop funding studies to prove the "damage" to children and start looking for creative solutions.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Too Stoopid
Michael's newest expression: Too stoopid.
We went for a walk Tuesday night because it was in the mid-sixties. Still, there was a bit of melting snow on the edges of the walking path (40+ inches takes a while to melt away even in record warm weather for March)..so daddy pushed his tricycle along the snow - thinking Mr. M would think it was fun.
Mr Man yells: "No daddy! No daddy! No snow! Too stoopid!!"
Later the same night I'm changing his diaper before bed and say: "It's time for bed now. Are you going to climb into Michael's bed?" He answers: "No, it's too stoopid. I sleep in Mommy's bed."
We're not sure where he picked this new line up - but it makes us laugh a couple times a day lately.
We went for a walk Tuesday night because it was in the mid-sixties. Still, there was a bit of melting snow on the edges of the walking path (40+ inches takes a while to melt away even in record warm weather for March)..so daddy pushed his tricycle along the snow - thinking Mr. M would think it was fun.
Mr Man yells: "No daddy! No daddy! No snow! Too stoopid!!"
Later the same night I'm changing his diaper before bed and say: "It's time for bed now. Are you going to climb into Michael's bed?" He answers: "No, it's too stoopid. I sleep in Mommy's bed."
We're not sure where he picked this new line up - but it makes us laugh a couple times a day lately.
Beware the Ides of March
This morning at the bagel shop I go to daily as I walk up I overhear two very odd conversations.
Employee 1: ..just don't get wearing green if you aren't Irish.
Employee 2:...so wear something that represents where you grew up.
Employee 1: (who is Asian in appearance) ...
Employee 2: (not realizing she's offended) Where DID you grow up?
Employee 1: Andover*
Employee 2: Oh. Well then. (Flustered. Realizes her assumption of Laos or Vietnam was no good.)
(*for those of you who don't know, that's a northern suburb of Minneapolis)
Second conversation is between a homeless, very hippie (as in, child of the 60s, flowing gray beard) looking man I frequently see playing a battered clarinet in the skyway and the manager of the bagel shop who's standing at his cash register.
Manager: ..yeah you'll have to talk to the owner about that.
Hippie dude: I'll go talk to the MAN. Yeah. Yeah. And then...when I find the MAN I'll find the woman who's got him by the balls. Ain't that right!
Manager: ..um, ha ha.. (unsure how to respond)
Hippie dude: (walking away) ...cause that's how it is. Behind the MAN is always the woman who's got 'im by the balls.
Manager rings up the customer in front of me. I step forward to pay, but the homeless guy is back again.
Hippie dude: Hey, look, before I go talk to the MAN - tell me, would it bother you if I played here? 'Cause I'm not gonna bother even go to the MAN if it would bother you.
Manager: Yeah, it would bother me. It's too small here - we don't have space for you to play.
Hippie dude: So - how about I get you a tape?
Manager: No, that's OK.
Hippie dude: .. cause I could get you a tape.
Manager points at the ceiling where Kelly Clarkson's music is blaring out of a speaker.
Manager: No, really, we're all set.
Hippie dude: My stuff is better than this crap (pointing to the speakers)
Meanwhile, I'm just patiently waiting holding my money out towards the manager at the register while he tries to get the hippie dude to move along again.
Manager: (getting frustrated) Look, I'm trying to work here.
H.D.: Yeah, I know you're trying to work..
Manager: (speaking to me) What do you have today?
Me: Bagel and cream cheese, please (I hand him money)
H.D.: You know Mike, you don't got to be that way.
Manager: (sighs) You need to go now. (then turns and hands me my change as the hippie walks off).
Me: I'll bet today is one of those days you wish you didn't have to wear a name tag, huh?
Manager: (Laughs and smiles) Yeah!
I step back and wait for my bagel and homeless hippie guy walks up next to me.
H.D.: You know, that guy there - he should worry you. He worries me and he should worry you.
Me: Him? He's a good guy. I buy bagels from him everyday - he's a good guy.
H.D.: No - no - he oughta worry you! (looking a bit frantic about getting his message across)
Me: Oh? Really. OK.
Meanwhile all the bagel shop employees are watching this guy talking to me and trying to figure out how to intervene and get him to leave their customers alone. It was interesting to see the looks pass across their faces, some of them shaking their heads.
It didn't worry me - because like I said, I've seen this guy before - probably even tossed him some change before and he's one of the homeless guys that don't scare me. He plays his music and wishes you well and shouts out vaguely poetic things.
The big group of really drunk homeless guys that hang out closer to my parking garage in the skyway.. well, they kind of scare me. They're all much bigger than me - almost all younger men, often falling down drunk, fighting with each other and occasionally throwing up. Even at 7am in the morning, which is really mysterious to me. Like how could you be THAT messed up so close to the time that the shelter turns you out for the day? This morning there was a group of them blocking both doors between the Hilton Skyway and the International Center skyway. I actually saw two other women turn back rather than attempt to go through the doors. I did a quick head count, it was a group of 6 guys standing on one side and 5 on the other. I took the side where there were fewer guys standing and followed in the wake of another person trying to cross through their group. No problem at all.
Oh the ides of March - I hope today passes without further incident.
Employee 1: ..just don't get wearing green if you aren't Irish.
Employee 2:...so wear something that represents where you grew up.
Employee 1: (who is Asian in appearance) ...
Employee 2: (not realizing she's offended) Where DID you grow up?
Employee 1: Andover*
Employee 2: Oh. Well then. (Flustered. Realizes her assumption of Laos or Vietnam was no good.)
(*for those of you who don't know, that's a northern suburb of Minneapolis)
Second conversation is between a homeless, very hippie (as in, child of the 60s, flowing gray beard) looking man I frequently see playing a battered clarinet in the skyway and the manager of the bagel shop who's standing at his cash register.
Manager: ..yeah you'll have to talk to the owner about that.
Hippie dude: I'll go talk to the MAN. Yeah. Yeah. And then...when I find the MAN I'll find the woman who's got him by the balls. Ain't that right!
Manager: ..um, ha ha.. (unsure how to respond)
Hippie dude: (walking away) ...cause that's how it is. Behind the MAN is always the woman who's got 'im by the balls.
Manager rings up the customer in front of me. I step forward to pay, but the homeless guy is back again.
Hippie dude: Hey, look, before I go talk to the MAN - tell me, would it bother you if I played here? 'Cause I'm not gonna bother even go to the MAN if it would bother you.
Manager: Yeah, it would bother me. It's too small here - we don't have space for you to play.
Hippie dude: So - how about I get you a tape?
Manager: No, that's OK.
Hippie dude: .. cause I could get you a tape.
Manager points at the ceiling where Kelly Clarkson's music is blaring out of a speaker.
Manager: No, really, we're all set.
Hippie dude: My stuff is better than this crap (pointing to the speakers)
Meanwhile, I'm just patiently waiting holding my money out towards the manager at the register while he tries to get the hippie dude to move along again.
Manager: (getting frustrated) Look, I'm trying to work here.
H.D.: Yeah, I know you're trying to work..
Manager: (speaking to me) What do you have today?
Me: Bagel and cream cheese, please (I hand him money)
H.D.: You know Mike, you don't got to be that way.
Manager: (sighs) You need to go now. (then turns and hands me my change as the hippie walks off).
Me: I'll bet today is one of those days you wish you didn't have to wear a name tag, huh?
Manager: (Laughs and smiles) Yeah!
I step back and wait for my bagel and homeless hippie guy walks up next to me.
H.D.: You know, that guy there - he should worry you. He worries me and he should worry you.
Me: Him? He's a good guy. I buy bagels from him everyday - he's a good guy.
H.D.: No - no - he oughta worry you! (looking a bit frantic about getting his message across)
Me: Oh? Really. OK.
Meanwhile all the bagel shop employees are watching this guy talking to me and trying to figure out how to intervene and get him to leave their customers alone. It was interesting to see the looks pass across their faces, some of them shaking their heads.
It didn't worry me - because like I said, I've seen this guy before - probably even tossed him some change before and he's one of the homeless guys that don't scare me. He plays his music and wishes you well and shouts out vaguely poetic things.
The big group of really drunk homeless guys that hang out closer to my parking garage in the skyway.. well, they kind of scare me. They're all much bigger than me - almost all younger men, often falling down drunk, fighting with each other and occasionally throwing up. Even at 7am in the morning, which is really mysterious to me. Like how could you be THAT messed up so close to the time that the shelter turns you out for the day? This morning there was a group of them blocking both doors between the Hilton Skyway and the International Center skyway. I actually saw two other women turn back rather than attempt to go through the doors. I did a quick head count, it was a group of 6 guys standing on one side and 5 on the other. I took the side where there were fewer guys standing and followed in the wake of another person trying to cross through their group. No problem at all.
Oh the ides of March - I hope today passes without further incident.
For lack of news, I share an old Okinawa story.
Because there isn't anything much to blog about that's happened recently (no funny stories from the Girl Scout Cookie sales) - I've decided to pull a favorite old story out of mothballs for your entertainment.
A true story.
This story takes place near Ginowan, Okinawa. I attended a year of high school and lived in Kakazu, Ginowan for a while circa 1987-1988. I was living with my aunt and uncle and their three very young children. (Even younger than my own children are now.)
This story pre-dates my arrival in Okinawa just a bit, and the birth of the third of my aunt & uncles children. Their oldest daughter, my cousin R, and their son (then a baby) and Aunt and Uncle were on a family outing one weekend to go to Okinawa Expo. It's the old site of an Expo from 1975 that has a great aquarium and some other attractions. It's in the north part of the island, near Nago, on the Motobu peninsula. They took a ferry - I think there is some ferry service also runs from Motobu Port to Ie-jima from Naha port. (Naha is to the south, considerably closer to Ginowan.)
So, the family gets on the sunny ferry and little cousin R, then about age 2, is thirsty. At one of the ever-present (in Japan) vending machines they got the most "child friendly" canned drink they could find - an Orange-y type soda for her. She'd had her sweet orange drink and was sitting on the ferry...feeling very queasy.
Let me pause here to explain something unique about Japanese culture. It is completely socially acceptable, nay, almost encouraged, for folks to sleep or close their eyes and PRETEND to sleep so as not to have to make eye contact, when crammed into public transport (subways, busses, ferries) in Japan. The connotation is that you're so hard working that you're SO tired. Moreover, when crammed into a train near a Gaijin (foreigner) who might - OH NO!- attempt to greet you in English it's always best to avoid eye contact. I tell ya folks, I was like walking valium in the subways of Tokyo. To avoid the chance I might ask them a question like: "Can I change trains to get on the Hanzomon line at Ginza?" (No way I'd ask in English anyhow, but still.. I can imagine their fear of being approached in a language they don't know) - people would promptly put newspapers up in front of their face, or more often instantly appear asleep. Even if it's rush hour and we're crammed in like sardines.. even if folks are standing up in a packed train they would close their eyes and feign sleep. (Now that's a talent! Not only able to sleep standing up, but whilst holding oneself upright and balanced in a jostling train!)
So, back to our story of little cousin R. With her parents on a ferry together with her baby brother. The family is sitting next to a busy Japanese "salaryman" who has, at the outset of the ferry, opened his briefcase to do some work - but then, on finding himself sitting by Gaijin promptly dropped off to sleep. Poor R is feeling more and more seasick and as small children are wont to do - promptly throws up. A DIRECT HIT neatly filling the sleeping salaryman's briefcase with neon orange puke just as the ferry is nearing the dock.
My uncle, thinking quick, gives the top of the briefcase a quick kick shut and they quickly relocate to a seat closer to the door - as the boat will be docking soon and they can slip off of the ferry at the head of the crowd and escape.
Pity the poor man who arrived at his next business appointment and opened his briefcase to discover bright orange puke covered documents.
The kicker here folks: They were MISSIONARIES.
A true story.
This story takes place near Ginowan, Okinawa. I attended a year of high school and lived in Kakazu, Ginowan for a while circa 1987-1988. I was living with my aunt and uncle and their three very young children. (Even younger than my own children are now.)
This story pre-dates my arrival in Okinawa just a bit, and the birth of the third of my aunt & uncles children. Their oldest daughter, my cousin R, and their son (then a baby) and Aunt and Uncle were on a family outing one weekend to go to Okinawa Expo. It's the old site of an Expo from 1975 that has a great aquarium and some other attractions. It's in the north part of the island, near Nago, on the Motobu peninsula. They took a ferry - I think there is some ferry service also runs from Motobu Port to Ie-jima from Naha port. (Naha is to the south, considerably closer to Ginowan.)
So, the family gets on the sunny ferry and little cousin R, then about age 2, is thirsty. At one of the ever-present (in Japan) vending machines they got the most "child friendly" canned drink they could find - an Orange-y type soda for her. She'd had her sweet orange drink and was sitting on the ferry...feeling very queasy.
Let me pause here to explain something unique about Japanese culture. It is completely socially acceptable, nay, almost encouraged, for folks to sleep or close their eyes and PRETEND to sleep so as not to have to make eye contact, when crammed into public transport (subways, busses, ferries) in Japan. The connotation is that you're so hard working that you're SO tired. Moreover, when crammed into a train near a Gaijin (foreigner) who might - OH NO!- attempt to greet you in English it's always best to avoid eye contact. I tell ya folks, I was like walking valium in the subways of Tokyo. To avoid the chance I might ask them a question like: "Can I change trains to get on the Hanzomon line at Ginza?" (No way I'd ask in English anyhow, but still.. I can imagine their fear of being approached in a language they don't know) - people would promptly put newspapers up in front of their face, or more often instantly appear asleep. Even if it's rush hour and we're crammed in like sardines.. even if folks are standing up in a packed train they would close their eyes and feign sleep. (Now that's a talent! Not only able to sleep standing up, but whilst holding oneself upright and balanced in a jostling train!)
So, back to our story of little cousin R. With her parents on a ferry together with her baby brother. The family is sitting next to a busy Japanese "salaryman" who has, at the outset of the ferry, opened his briefcase to do some work - but then, on finding himself sitting by Gaijin promptly dropped off to sleep. Poor R is feeling more and more seasick and as small children are wont to do - promptly throws up. A DIRECT HIT neatly filling the sleeping salaryman's briefcase with neon orange puke just as the ferry is nearing the dock.
My uncle, thinking quick, gives the top of the briefcase a quick kick shut and they quickly relocate to a seat closer to the door - as the boat will be docking soon and they can slip off of the ferry at the head of the crowd and escape.
Pity the poor man who arrived at his next business appointment and opened his briefcase to discover bright orange puke covered documents.
The kicker here folks: They were MISSIONARIES.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Snow Day!! Woo hoo!
This is our REAL Minnesota girl. She stayed out and played in the snow the longest.
Mr. Man is unimpressed
He'd rather be inside eating marshmallows off the top of his hot cocoa, thankyouverymuch.
Got Snow?
Check out the porch swing behind L.Lou - this is what over 2 feet of snow looks like in our yard. (This is not a drift. This is actual snow fall.)
Friday, March 02, 2007
What, you don't grill in blizzard conditions?
Maybe I've acclimated to my new home State a little too fully now.. but I didn't see why my husband should have any trouble grilling last night.
20 mph gusts of snowy wind? Check.
Blizzard "white out" conditions? Check.
Businesses and schools closed? Check.
None of the above struck me as reasons why we wouldn't grill out our steaks. We cleared a path for the grill, put the meat on - let it grill while we waited warm and toasty inside the house keeping an eye on the grill.. no big deal.
20 mph gusts of snowy wind? Check.
Blizzard "white out" conditions? Check.
Businesses and schools closed? Check.
None of the above struck me as reasons why we wouldn't grill out our steaks. We cleared a path for the grill, put the meat on - let it grill while we waited warm and toasty inside the house keeping an eye on the grill.. no big deal.
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