Whoosh, did 4 years really go by since the last time I wrote something on this blog? Isn't it amazing that it still exists here without Blogger having deleted it for inactivity?
I think that having the ability to Tweet and post thoughts to Facebook via my phone are what effectively caused me to stop blogging..but recently I've started getting the urge to write again - so maybe I'll blog occasionally again.
If I didn't already feel cautious enough with airing out my thoughts here - I recently learned from my oldest daughter (who blogs, but won't tell me under what pseudonym she blogs under on Tumblr) that she and one of her best buddies stumbled across my (essentially abandoned) blog and read all the entries.
I remember the flash of fear I had...wondering if I'd blogged about anything inappropriate, gross (hemorrhoids? nursing?) or otherwise offensive to teenage sensibilities. Then almost as quickly as that flash of fear hit, it subsided and I decided: oh well. Honestly, no fear, worry or concern.
Mainly because I determined a long time ago to never put anything on the internet I wouldn't want my mom, employer or grandmother to read...because the odds are good (and I hope my dear daughter reads this one!) that someday whatever we put out there will in fact be read by our mom, employer or grandmother.
Or daughter or step-daughter as the case may be.
As a step-parent the occasional urge to vent my frustration with my triangular parenting situation has been a tough one to avoid blogging about. Knowing that my (amazing, beautiful & super cool) step-daughter has found this Blog makes me THAT much more pleased with myself that I resisted ever writing about our parenting arrangements.
And..that brings me to what I want to write about now.
Parenting older kids has become an exercise in being one step ahead when the kids are already second guessing my every move.
When the kids were little it was easy to mention cute or funny things they said...but now a lot of what they say that's funny is at my expense! The naturally inquisitive and questioning children have now turned into judgmental and critical teen/pre-teen experts on all that I do wrong.
That said, what they may not realize when they point out how I curse too much, don't dress right (according to them) or play my music too loud is this: every time they do something well - whether it's doing well in school, helping out in the community or being respectful to their teachers - it's just another sign that I'm not the failure that they think I am.
Despite my many flaws I am immensely proud to see these kids are turning out pretty damn decent if I do say so myself. I think as parents we all second guess ourselves and attempt to do our best and pass on as few of our neuroses as possible to our offspring.
I've actually met some parents who've tipped a bit too far (losing their own personalities and parroting the latest parenting trends) ...and while I confess for our first child the music was always tuned to child friendly CDs like "Raffi" --by the time the 3rd kid came along one of his first words was: "Dmeshmode" (his request to hear Depeche Mode.) I'm seeing no positive consequences in having played Raffi for our oldest, and our youngest, while he still likes some Depeche Mode songs, really prefers to make his own music on the computer.
One last edit: I recently learned from a friend/colleague a very apt saying for parents:
"Little kids, Little problems. Big kids, Big problems."
Lots of people blog cute pictures of their young children..but I think it might also be helpful to hear some stories about how to navigate getting your young people out of the nest with the tools, confidence, independence and proper level of assertiveness they need to be successful in their next adventure(s) in life.
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