More on the Same Theme

I used to think life sucked as a thirteen year old. Granted, my family was dysfunctional and I was an awkward very young teen..but I had no idea how good I had it. I had a Guidance Counselor (Mr. Dave Holleren) who spent a lot of time with me, mainly because he knew if he could just get me past this dark cloud that I'd have a very good life. 
I spent most of 8th grade hanging out in his office, or around it working with the secretaries and not attending classes. I still did well enough with my grades just half-assing the work and taking the tests after the fact. Teachers gave me grace to not attend classes for the most part. Dave (the counselor) may have had a hand in that, too. 

You know the expression: "Youth is wasted on the young?" Seems like folk over 60+ years of age are the ones who express this thought more often then a 46 year old...but I'm genuinely frustrated.

Let's recap:
I've been told (years ago) I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Not sure about that one, but I can believe it lately. It includes symptoms like joint pain (having that - esp. right hip and knee and it's verified by MRI on the knee. Plus easy breaking bones...yep, tell that to my tibia) and confusion and memory problems. I have some serious memory issues.

I have Sleep Apnea. That one was legit easy to diagnose. I was stopping breathing like 30+ times an hour, sometimes up to 22 seconds in duration. I'm lucky I didn't cause brain damage. (Okay, the jury is out on that one. The family might tell you I have!)

I have Chronic Kidney disease, Stage III. I'm not going to need dialysis for a while it seems, as long as we keep a close eye on it and I keep my high blood pressure under control. I'm on like 4 different blood pressure medications. It's crazy.
However, this condition comes with it's own set of side effects that include feeling tired, too. 

I have Bipolar II which comes with its own set of medications and two of them, yep count that TWO of them cause aversion to exercise and weight gain. Weight gain in turn exacerbates the rest of my health conditions (and makes me generally feel shitty because I miss being a size 4 - 6).

Now I fall asleep sitting up - in the car, in church, at my desk - against my best efforts not to. Is it narcolepsy or just exhaustion and meds that are causing this? Who the hell knows?! There isn't a clear test to rule anything out and I'm running out of levers to adjust.

We got the phenomenal sleep number bed, I wear the CPAP mask to sleep..if it weren't for the meds would I be waking up every morning feeling refreshed? God, I wish I knew.

I have intermittent cancerous spots on my body--and that's just handled by a diligent dermatologist.  

I have a young colleague, in her twenties, who recently resigned due to her health. I don't know exactly what's going on...could be a terminal brain tumor or could be a chronic condition, but she got to the point where she wasn't sure how much longer she could work so she switched to a job with kickass benefits.
(And here I thought my company had good bennies.. apparently not good enough!)

And I think to myself: How long will I be able to work? When will these symptoms increase to the point where they impact my career so much that I have to scale back or quit? 

Or, conversely, how can I fight to get back in better condition so that I can continue to work and support my family. How much of this is within my control? How much can be fixed with big efforts on my part? 

I'm not sure..but I need to try hard to find out where the limits are and how long I can keep going.