When I Became a Mom (again)

I consider Erik my first "kid" because I became part of his life at about 14 months old. He was our guinea pig kid--sometimes we were too worried about him hitting milestones, we worried, we prodded, we experimented with sleeping techniques (a big ol' FAIL because he never needed more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night) -- and we had a co-parenting triangle with his biological mom which made things more complex.

But when Lucy was born, just about a month and 18 years ago.. here are additional things I learned:

• To have a baby is to have your heart walking around outside of your body.
• The smell of a newborn - especially their head - is intoxicating.
• Even if the labor is three days long, breaks your tail bone and completely rips every bit of supportive fascia in your lower abdomen, it will be worth it.
• You lose a certain amount of modesty after a room full of people have stared at your crotch for hours. (Or days, in my case.)
• You become paranoid and worried at somewhat irrational things like a car veering off the road to hit your stroller. This doesn't go away much once they start driving.
• You may start off pointing out which bits of the baby that resemble you or your husband or personality traits... but you better knock that shit off before s/he hits puberty and wants to be their own person with no comparison to either parent.
• There is a level of exhaustion as a new parent that is unparalleled in your later life. You will wonder, after the fact, how you ever survived it.
• You will marvel over the fact that your body DID THIS. For a short while you will have no body shame or hate, you will just respect your body for making this human being.
• Unreasonable bouts of pride, worry or frustration will become normal for you.
• Your baby will initially be helpless and only comforted by you. S/he will make your heart swell with love and then... a decade or so later break at times when they reject you as part of the process of growing independent. You may know this is normal -- but it will still hurt.

Happy Mother's Day to moms at every stage of the journey.