The difference between 2 and 3

So, I was enjoying some lunchtime blog reading and have remembered why I got a blog.
See, before I had a blog I would leave these REALLLLY long comment posts on other people's blogs when something they wrote struck a chord with something I could relate to, too.
Today that happened again. I read this post:

Crunchy Mama Post Link here

And started commenting away. I stopped myself when I realized it was getting far too long. Like, printed, single space 3 pages too long.

So, for baby Caity's mom, and to any other mom's out there pondering a third child.. here was what I was writing in the comments section:

We have 3 beautiful healthy children. #3, Mr. Man, just went up to a "big boy bed" not too long ago (and has even more recently regressed to needing to sleep in our bed..but that's another story.) - not unlike Caity. It's simultaneously wonderful to see their growing independence, and terribly depressing because they're only so little for only so long and then poof! - grown up, sassy and "don't need you, just hand me the car keys, mom".

I sometimes do the wistful sigh and wish outloud for another baby..but hubby is done, really really done, at 3. Looking at our checking account balance today I'd have to say that's a fiscally responsible stance on his part. I've just started buying the first few Christmas presents.. and it's going to be rough going doing it cash-only this year. Goodbye humble savings account, we hardly knew 'ye.

We look after a 4th child once a week and for occasional overnights or short weekends so we're used to managing 4 kids -- it's no big thing for us. However, that 4th child is not ours to feed, cloth and finance for college education (yet).
So, the problem isn't really lack of time, energy or attention for another child - we already do not have enough of any of those - and perhaps were already stretched well before #3.
At this point it's mostly financial and space (we have a tiny house) constraints that make adding another family member a difficult proposition.

Once while saying out loud (I think a coworker brought her baby in - and I got a whiff of that new baby smell and was weak in the knees) that I sure wish could have more babies and that I'd still like to adopt more kids my coworker who has 7 kids (yes, 7) said: "Once you've managed 3, it's really no big thing. You wouldn't even know the difference. The real struggle is from 2 to 3."

On reflection I think he must be right. #3 is what pushed us over the edge in a lot of ways. For one thing you've moved from man-to-man to zone defense. Secondly, you have to start asking the older or more ambulatory children to pitch in and be your extra hands, eyes and ears from time to time. More than before. And you lie to them and yourself and say it's helping them "bond" and this is what it's about to be part of a family. And then you plunk down cold hard cash called "allowance" so that they continue to help out without being embittered.

After #3 I remember hearing these words leave my mouth more often: "Yell down to me if your baby brother starts to drown, OK?" or "Please tell me if he gets too near to the fire place." (These are rare examples, please do not call CPS - my kids are happy, healthy and well-cared for I swear!)

So, for those of you thinking about 3.. here's my own personal observations:

A. Day care for 2, tight but manageable. Day care for 3 - a total Freakin' ton of money. We pay for 2 (NICE) BMW leases each month. ($1800)

B. #3 made us move up to the minivan (we'd been ok with regular 5 passenger cars until we needed more than 2 car seats + a booster)

C. #3 is who has me convinced we have truly outgrown our 3BR, 1400 sq foot house. He is using every last square inch and climbing up the walls.. I think we need more space for him to roam and/or climb.

Don't get me wrong.. I LOVE Mr. Man. I am SO happy I have all 3 of my beautiful children in my life and love them deeply, primally and more than words could ever express.
But dang if they aren't expensive. And the move from 2 to 3 was really hard.

So - if life is getting too easy with 2 and you wonder if it won't be a big deal to go to 3. Oh, it will. 3 is far different than the difference between 1 to 2. (And I know that makes no mathematical sense.) It's a big leap. If you can barely cope with what you've got - think hard before making that leap.

That said, I don't think you will EVER regret bringing another little person into your family, heart or life. So, it's no-lose situation. Even if you look at your empty wallet and say: "Dang, I guess mommy can't get her hair colored anymore" - you will never resent that it's because of this new beautiful child who's...hey, are you writing on that wall?! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! DO NOT TOUCH THE CAT! NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!