Can I please have the guacamole-ranch dressing with my foot?

Flashback to Mother's Day 2001. We had flown with our 3 week old baby to show her off to the Ohio grandparents. On our way between houses (being a child of divorce means 4 grandparents on mommy's side of the family) I stopped at a store to buy my mother a hanging basket of flowers for her patio as a Mother's Day gift. Hubby and the baby stayed in the rental car as I ran in quickly. As I carried the hanging planter to the counter the cashier said: "Oh no, let me carry that for you." Then, as I pulled out my wallet to pay she said: "So, when are you due?" After a long pause (can you just hear the crickets in the background?) I said: "The baby is in the car parked out front." To her credit, she blushed and mumbled an apology of some sort.
I blamed myself for wearing an old maternity t-shirt. Plus I'm sure I looked pregnant still. Heck, the baby was only a month old. Still, my feelings were bruised a bit. I remember griping to my husband that it's just never safe for someone to ask that question unless it's ABSOLUTELY obvious someone is with child.
How quickly we forget.
So, hubby is out of town on business this week. This means that some nights instead of cooking at home we go out to eat. Sometimes it's easier to be at home, but usually the littlest one (4 mo. old) is so cooperative and the big ones are so entertained at the kid-friendly places we dine, that eating out is the path of least resistance. Lately the 3.5 yr. old is in love with a chain restaurant featuring a large red pepper as it's logo. I like a salad they have there, she loves the "slushie" style drinks, cinnamon apples and that they give her a whole big cup full of crayons and a balloon.
As we plopped into our booth the waitress came by to take our order. As I turned to look at her my eyes were level with her mid-section. And what should pop out of my mouth but: "Are you expecting?" Open mouth, insert foot. Of course, she said: "Um, no, my little one is already here." I apologized and then tipped her BIG. Really big. I thought about writing a little note on the receipt apologizing for being a doofus and blaming my complete and utter lack of sleep lately on my lapse.. but decided that I'd just slink out and leave lots of cash in apology. So, she probably thinks: "What a rude woman. Good tipper, but a rude woman!"