'Tis the Season

Coming out from the haze of being ill.. and the past few days run together and have a surreal quality to them.
Did I really say: "titty bars" in front of my Girl Scout co-leaders? (It's a long story.) Did I really just sit there quietly and not say anything remotely snarky or sassy when the doctor glibbly announced: "Well hello there. You are the proud owner of a very strep throat!"?
Did I really see that dog running the halls of my girls' elementary school?

I think being good and sick for a short while has some tangible benefits. For one, your appetite is diminished perhaps - and if you don't live on Christmas Cookies alone for the 3 or 4 days you're home sick - you might even lose weight.
Being home sick is good for reminding us that there is life outside of work. That the day to day stuff can and will manage to go on without you (except you still must drag your sick and unshowered self off to drop the kids off at school and daycare - and there are still lunches to pack and diapers to change).

Perhaps most of all, being sick for a while is good for reminding us to be grateful for our otherwise good health the rest of the time.

Although I was stuck in bed for a few days - I won't whine a bit. I just feel like reflecting on how fortunate or blessed I truly am.
I'm fortunate to have sick days at work I can take, that I don't get fired for missing work. Truly blessed that I have insurance to go to the doctor and can afford to pay for some medicine that'll make me feel better in a few days.

I know a wonderful young father who is exactly my age who has become wheelchair bound from ALS. I know he wishes he could take some penicillin and feel better in a few days.

And, as I waited in the doctors office an elderly woman who I imagine is impaired from stroke was left, with no one to speak for her, by the MediVan driver.
When the nurse called her name she meekly raised her hand.
The nurse loudly asked her over and over "Who else is with you? Myrtle, where is your blah blah blah.?" I could see her (Myrtle) visibly recoiling from this woman who was shouting down at her. She wasn't hard of hearing (though aged) - she tried very hard to answer the questions but just couldn't speak loudly or clearly enough to make herself heard by the nurse.

I did something I don't normally do - I spoke up and intervened. Because the nurse was literally standing close enough to me to touch, I gently touched the back of her arm and said: "The medi-van driver left her just now and said he would return for her in 15 minutes. He had another rider to drop off. Then he'll be waiting just outside. She doesn't have her son or care worker with her today." This is what I'd overheard from her conversation with the MediVan driver, who'd handed her (no joke) a "Your Pregnancy" magazine to read as she waited to be called.

I can tell what an upbeat woman (despite the adversity of old age) Myrtle must be - because she took the pregnancy magazine and smiled a wry grin and laughed to herself.. and then paged through it for a while.

The nurse thanked me, Myrtle's eyes smiled at me, and my daughter who was huddled in my lap smiled shyly back at Myrtle. That was a moment of grace for each of us.

So - between the hustle and the bustle of trying to get everything done this holiday season I'm getting to my usual December state of mind:
Reviewing the year that is coming to an end. Counting my blessings. And feeling grateful - very, very, grateful indeed.

Close up..

Erin's Quilt_3
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

In case you want to see the beautiful machine quilting done by Julie from Fat Quarter Quilt Shop.. here's a close up shot. I love what she did.
In case you're a crafty type like me - maybe you'll want to know this:
I did everything by hand. Except the quilting. I know, I know - that's backwards from how most folks do it.
I hand cut, piece and bind my quilts. I just don't hand quilt. I've tried it and don't like it - and I'm all about hobbies only being about the parts you like. So, I machine quilt the small (baby) quilts myself or send them out to someone with a frame and a good professional quilting machine. Someday when I win the lottery I'll buy a far nicer quilting machine & quilting frame for myself - until then, Julie saves the day.

Finally Done

Erin's Quilt
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

I am thrilled that I have finally completed the baby quilt - though the baby is now 6 months old... I'm certainly not prolific, but I'm slow and steady.

Thanksgiving 2006

turkeyday_girls_2
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

About as good as it gets. It was 50 degrees outside - everyone on Hubby's side of the family got together and the kids had a blast. The food was perfect, my SIL is a wonderful hostess and everyone was healthy, happy and relaxed. I'm sure we'll look back years from now and wish every year could be this simple and good.

Happy Thanksgiving

A short list of things I am especially Thankful for as I take time to reflect this Thansgiving:

It goes without saying that I am most thankful for healthy, happy, thriving (and smart and beautiful, if I do say so my own non-humble self) children. 2 of which can now wipe their own butts - and the remaining one is edging closer to an interest in using the potty on his own.. so life is getting far too easy.

I cannot help pause and be grateful my own children are young and safe at home with us - not in Iraq fighting in a quagmire of a war. As angry as I often am at the "leadership" and "foreign policy" (More like lack there of. I can't even type those without words in connection with our current administration without quotes..) of this nation, I am truly thankful that I and my children were born in this land of great opportunity - and many freedoms.

Also high on my list to be thankful for are the dear friends who I don't see enough of lately.

And my dear husband, who I now see MORE of thanks to a change in his job is also someone for whom I am ceaselessly grateful. Besides being one heck of a father and husband - he's my bestest friend and the steadiest presence in my life. He makes me a better person - makes me laugh and..well, I'd better stop there before I make people puke with a line like "he completes me" - a la Jerry MacGuire.

But beyond that - here are a few material or intangible goodies I've stumbled across in the past year that make life just that much better and make me grateful..

1. Audible.com - This American Life On Demand.
2. Pre-paid monthly parking pass card
3. Paradise Iced-Tea by Sara Lee
4. Target. I heart Target.
5. Simon Delivers.
6. Scouting Websites with oodles of good ideas and info.
7. Good health insurance.

Happy Thanksgiving

I love these spontaneous chats with the kids...

An interesting talk from our minivan Monday night about what people are "good at" versus what they struggle with.

Oldest (step)daughter asked me: "Tell me something I'm bad at."
Frankly, I'm not sure what her motivation was in asking me this. The conversation was preceded by me saying something about how I know I'm not good at lots of things - but I'm good at guessing how long it will take for us to get from point A to point B in the car.. that I have a good gut feel for that sort of thing. Anyhow - she persisted and this is how it went:
---------------------
Em: Tell me something I'm bad at. Really.
Me: Well, how about I tell you about the "sandwich" method?
Em: OK. How's that?
Me: Well, you start with a positive thing - that's the squishy white bread on the top. Then you give the meat: the sandwich middle. That's the bit to chew on and think about - the criticism. Then you follow that with another positive - another slice of squishy white bread.
Em: OK. Go.
Me: Well, first off you are very empathetic - do you know what that means?
Em: Yeah.
Me: (droning on and on)... you have the most kind generous giving heart. You are very sensitive to other people and--
Em: (impatient) - OK OK, tell me what I'm bad at.
Me: (hesitant) Um, well, when you want to play with something you dump it all out and often move on to the next thing.. it's like the organization thing your teacher mentioned. You need to clean up and get things set back where they belong before you move on to the next thing..or else you'll lose things. Like those --
Em: (totally unimpressed.) Oh. Is that all?
-----------
What? She expected me to say: "Oh, well you struggle with a deep secret we've never told you. See, you're actually a princess in a faraway land and we've been raising you here in suburban Minnesota so you can have a chance at a normal childhood."

Me thinks she's seen one-too-many Disney movies perhaps.

It reminds me of the reaction I've been getting to this burn on my hand. People stare and don't want to ask - and then sometimes pluck up the courage to ask about this big 2 inch open sore on my hand.
"Ohhhh.. What happened to your hand?"
And every time I say: "Oh, burnt it getting muffins out of the oven" this look of total disappointment flashes on their face. So last night Hubby and I came up with a more salacious answer for my future use.

Next person who asks me gets THIS:

"Oh. I did a very bad thing. I ironed his shirts ALL WRONG. So he HAD to teach me a lesson. It's all my fault that I angered him so..."

Seems to me that's the sort of answer people are hoping to hear anyhow - some deep dark secret or somesuch rather than just hearing that I was half-asleep and/or clutzy baking blueberry muffins over the weekend.

And yes, that's just the sort of sick humor we have at my house.. my apologies if I've offended any REAL battered women. The only battery that occurs at my house is me injuring myself running into walls, tables, and all manner of furniture. This is why my first choice in home furnishings always involves ROUNDED CORNERS. And there's your REAL deep dark secret for the day.. I buy only rounded edges on furniture.

Having Fun at the Cube Farm

carpet_treat
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

I still have leftover Halloween candy in a big ol' bowl in my cube. Today I was nibbling on some milk duds and one fell. I looked everywhere - but couldn't find it. Then I was instantly worried.

If you didn't know it was a milk dud and you ran across this small brown thing on the carpet at work - what would YOU think? I'd wonder if someone tracked in poo, personally. Apparently that's where MY brain goes.

So.. instantly my next thought was (pure evil)... I ought to sprinkle some all over the building.. perhaps near the doorways to bathrooms just to see how people react.
My third thought, all in short succession, is how funny it'd be to freak people out by plucking one off the carpet and eating it.

There is nothing that strikes me as more funny then that sort of Will Ferrell-esque totally inappropriate actions in public sort of humor... and I have a long list in my head of things that would make me laugh pretty hard that would probably strike others as totally inappropriate behavior.

Thankfully I'm too introverted (and like my job and coworkers too much) to let my "inner-Will-Ferrell" out.

The difference between 2 and 3

So, I was enjoying some lunchtime blog reading and have remembered why I got a blog.
See, before I had a blog I would leave these REALLLLY long comment posts on other people's blogs when something they wrote struck a chord with something I could relate to, too.
Today that happened again. I read this post:

Crunchy Mama Post Link here

And started commenting away. I stopped myself when I realized it was getting far too long. Like, printed, single space 3 pages too long.

So, for baby Caity's mom, and to any other mom's out there pondering a third child.. here was what I was writing in the comments section:

We have 3 beautiful healthy children. #3, Mr. Man, just went up to a "big boy bed" not too long ago (and has even more recently regressed to needing to sleep in our bed..but that's another story.) - not unlike Caity. It's simultaneously wonderful to see their growing independence, and terribly depressing because they're only so little for only so long and then poof! - grown up, sassy and "don't need you, just hand me the car keys, mom".

I sometimes do the wistful sigh and wish outloud for another baby..but hubby is done, really really done, at 3. Looking at our checking account balance today I'd have to say that's a fiscally responsible stance on his part. I've just started buying the first few Christmas presents.. and it's going to be rough going doing it cash-only this year. Goodbye humble savings account, we hardly knew 'ye.

We look after a 4th child once a week and for occasional overnights or short weekends so we're used to managing 4 kids -- it's no big thing for us. However, that 4th child is not ours to feed, cloth and finance for college education (yet).
So, the problem isn't really lack of time, energy or attention for another child - we already do not have enough of any of those - and perhaps were already stretched well before #3.
At this point it's mostly financial and space (we have a tiny house) constraints that make adding another family member a difficult proposition.

Once while saying out loud (I think a coworker brought her baby in - and I got a whiff of that new baby smell and was weak in the knees) that I sure wish could have more babies and that I'd still like to adopt more kids my coworker who has 7 kids (yes, 7) said: "Once you've managed 3, it's really no big thing. You wouldn't even know the difference. The real struggle is from 2 to 3."

On reflection I think he must be right. #3 is what pushed us over the edge in a lot of ways. For one thing you've moved from man-to-man to zone defense. Secondly, you have to start asking the older or more ambulatory children to pitch in and be your extra hands, eyes and ears from time to time. More than before. And you lie to them and yourself and say it's helping them "bond" and this is what it's about to be part of a family. And then you plunk down cold hard cash called "allowance" so that they continue to help out without being embittered.

After #3 I remember hearing these words leave my mouth more often: "Yell down to me if your baby brother starts to drown, OK?" or "Please tell me if he gets too near to the fire place." (These are rare examples, please do not call CPS - my kids are happy, healthy and well-cared for I swear!)

So, for those of you thinking about 3.. here's my own personal observations:

A. Day care for 2, tight but manageable. Day care for 3 - a total Freakin' ton of money. We pay for 2 (NICE) BMW leases each month. ($1800)

B. #3 made us move up to the minivan (we'd been ok with regular 5 passenger cars until we needed more than 2 car seats + a booster)

C. #3 is who has me convinced we have truly outgrown our 3BR, 1400 sq foot house. He is using every last square inch and climbing up the walls.. I think we need more space for him to roam and/or climb.

Don't get me wrong.. I LOVE Mr. Man. I am SO happy I have all 3 of my beautiful children in my life and love them deeply, primally and more than words could ever express.
But dang if they aren't expensive. And the move from 2 to 3 was really hard.

So - if life is getting too easy with 2 and you wonder if it won't be a big deal to go to 3. Oh, it will. 3 is far different than the difference between 1 to 2. (And I know that makes no mathematical sense.) It's a big leap. If you can barely cope with what you've got - think hard before making that leap.

That said, I don't think you will EVER regret bringing another little person into your family, heart or life. So, it's no-lose situation. Even if you look at your empty wallet and say: "Dang, I guess mommy can't get her hair colored anymore" - you will never resent that it's because of this new beautiful child who's...hey, are you writing on that wall?! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! DO NOT TOUCH THE CAT! NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!

The one in the Green shirt..

Amy@ the Fair
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

is the one I'm voting for. Hubby took this back in August at our annual trip to the "Great Minnesota Get-Together" - and it's a lovely picture of my neck and the back of my head...and then, just to the left of that...the political candidate we're both rooting for on Nov. 7th.

Hubby met Average Joe this afternoon - but Amy is the candidate we most hope wins this coming week at the polls.

Welcome to the 'Burbs

after-midnight2
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Chuh... as if we'd be up that late anyhow. Caribou closes at 11pm.

Driving a Shift - and I don't mean a manual transmission..

Buried in an article about trends in the Finance pages of the NY Times is a powerful quote:

“We are perhaps on the first step to a matriarchal society; women will earn more money than men if current trends continue by 2028,” said Michael J. Silverstein of the Boston Consulting Group. “The trend has been escalating in the last 10 years as there has been a gradual, slow erosion of the power balance in the family, a psychic rebalancing.”

NY Times Article Link here


Women, Mr. Silverstein added, are “controlling purchases and driving a shift in our economy.”

So. If this is true..
CARIBOU COFFEE I AM A WOMAN - LISTEN TO ME! I am driving a shift in the economy!
You should ALWAYS, I repeat ALWAYS have Mango Iced Tea available. Every location, every day. That Irish Breakfast and Pepppermint - that's crap.
Brew mango iced tea daily, please. Otherwise you will miss out on hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars of my purchases annually.

Thank you.

Thank You Holly

mom
Originally uploaded by mobycat92.

Every photo of me or my family that I have that I love has been taken by my dear friend Holly. I love this photo so much.. it was me saying goodbye to Mr. Man just before Holly and I went to go see a live Prairie Home Companion show.

Thou Shall Not Brake-Check

Let me set the scene for you.
It's a chilly fall morning and I have my mojo working. My daughter gets dropped off at school with nary a sniffle or even a "Mommy, one more hug please.." (this is a BIG deal - she has JUST started being happy at drop off just this week, and its a BIG improvement over her tearful drop offs up till now).

I'm wearing my new fave jeans and trusty kimono wrap sweater to work and favorite courdory fall jacket. I'm not late for work - and I'm looking forward to sipping my iced tea and nibbling my oatmeal bites as I drive the van downtown.

I flick on the heated seats, crank up the stereo and get to enjoy my favorite song of all time by the Rave-ups - newly burned onto CD for me from the LP. I sip my iced tea, nod my head to Jimmer Podransky and cruise through the Bunker Hills Park. The fall leaves are stunning, the sun is coming up and it's a BEAUTIFUL day.

My commute is going smooth as silk, my tunes have me in such a good mood I'm thinking to myself: "I should pick up the cell phone and tell Hubby I haven't been this happy since our OB/GYN offered to induce Mr. Man's birth 4 weeks early.."

And then this ass-hat in a White Subaru (it wasn't an anniversary edition, no offense Duf) decides he wants to be in the lane I'm in, starts to pull into the side of my van and I honk and brake. I let him in ('cause it's either that or get the van repainted - AGAIN) and then.. get this - he BRAKE CHECKS ME. He's pissed that I honked (to let him know he's about to hit me!) and he STANDS on his brakes about 1000 feet short of the red light (and next vehicle) ahead. So, of course, to avoid an accident (lanes on either side of us are occupied) I have to lock up my brakes, too. AND still I nearly skid into him. Damnable Subaru brakes must be better than my brand new Nissan brakes.

EVERYTHING in my van dumps. My tea, my backpack, my kids toys in the back, my oatmeal bites. It's all over the front of the floor up right up under the gas pedal.

So I called 911 and reported the #$%*er.

Dear Mr. Subaru driver,

Yes. I saw that you rolled your window down and tried to drive even with me when the traffic in the left lane I was in (after I got the heck away from you) sped by your car.
Yes, I noticed you tried to get my attention - but I didn't look at you or slow down to hear whatever you had to say because I was busy REPEATING YOUR PLATE NUMBER to the nice officer that called me back. Yes, I noticed you brake checked that other guy, too. Hopefully he called 911 also. Apparently you have a Road Rage problem.

I hope when the next time you get pulled over for speeding or DUI or whatever other driving infraction that the officer looks at the computer and sees the calls from other motorists reporting your behavior. Or, better yet, that the Coon Rapids and/or Fridley Police dept. had time this morning to pull you over and admonish you for aggressive driving.

I hope you know you ruined my otherwise idyllic morning commute - and I hope you know that karma is a bee-yotch and so please don't be surprised when you have that flat tire tonight.

As for me, I just cranked up the Rave-ups and took some deep breaths.
Life's too short - and my commute is too damn long.

Managerial Insight by Parable

Yesterday I gave another Toastmasters speech. For this one I was expected to use stories or fables to illustrate my point.

The "moral" of my speech essentially was: Politics in the office are inevitable and 90% of job satisfaction (or more) is based on whether we enjoy our work atmosphere. So, you have to laugh. Have To. When work gets absurd, you have to laugh it off -- because we all know there are days our worklife imitates the TV show: "The Office" or a Dilbert strip. And you have to laugh to keep from crying.

To illustrate my point I told these three parables (though I admit I cleaned them up for a G -rated delivery in the actual speech -- you'll figure out how if you read on). I think these must be internet humor .. a friend forwarded them to me in an email last year sometime and they tickled me so much I held onto them.

Parable One

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson : To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Parable Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson - Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Parable Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson #3 -
(1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut.

Quote Happy

Yesterday, in preparation for my speech I went looking for some quotes to tie in with my topic of humor in the workplace.

Here a few of my favorites:

'If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.'

'Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.'

'You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.'

'I don't suffer from stress, but I am a carrier.'

Glad Monday is Over

Monday struck me as an odd day. For one thing, it didn't go very smoothly for our little family.

After a night of getting up 3 times with 2 of the kids (and believe me, I explained to the 9 year old that if she wakes up at 2am and needs to pee, she really doesn't have to wake me up and tell me that first)...the morning came far too soon.

The kids dawdled, I grew even later for work. Every lane I chose became the "slow lane". I was a full hour later for work than I should have been.

When I reached my desk I realized I'd left my backpack/briefcase in the car. When I went back out to the car I found that our oldest daughter had left her bottled water and packed lunch in the van. (And by then it was 10:30 am, and I couldn't have reached her at her elementary school nearly and hour to the north in time..) I was singing to myself: "Just one of them days..." and trying not to worry. It's just a Monday.

At lunch, I found this really interesting article at the NY Times:
Good article at: Link

The idea that children are a loan and a gift from God and that our job is to train them up to leave us (their parents) is one I can whole heartedly agree with.

Then the school shooting in Pennsylvania Amish country hit the news. I remember thinking: It's official. There is really no "safe" place anymore.

And if there is no safe place - the temptation to try to keep my children close, to try to keep them "safe at home" is stronger than usual.

But then I remind myself that I cannot support their growth into independent, self-relient young people if I shelter them exceesively. I'm a worry-wart by nature.. but I fight it constantly because I don't want to pass my fears onto the kids.

I felt very tired and like I'd run a marathon at the end of Monday. Relieved to be home with the kids - but not sure how I could keep up the pace. After a good night's sleep I realize all that I can do is get up and do it all over again.

Is it too Polly-Anna to say that after a short night of sleep I have hope in the new day again? That I realize I have to live life and let the kids go to school and simply have faith... Faith that today will be a better day. That the kids will be safe at school. That as a reaction to the growing violence people will work harder to keep guns from unstable people who shouldn't have access to them. That my children will grow up and they and their peers will seek peace and diplomacy not war.

Yes, maybe I'm too Polly-Anna. But I'd rather have this optimism to start each day then the sort of exhausted pessimism I felt just before falling asleep on Monday night.

Not Your Average Tuesday Afternoon..

Tuesday Afternoon Bliss
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

I had the good fortune to be cruising the St. Croix river on a big paddleboat yesterday afternoon. Sipping icy cool drinks and eating a nice hot lunch while basking in the afternoon sun. Sure beats my usual Tuesday in the office - and the weather could not have been better. Clear blue skies and 75 degrees...with the leaves just beginning to turn to red, yellow and brown.. A perfect fall afternoon.

XM is dangerous for me

Having XM Satellite radio has ended up costing me more than the monthly fee.
I hear old music on Fred, or new international music on UPOP and end up on a freakin' QUEST I tell you!
A quest for music not yet released in the US or for ancient out-of-print Vinyl albums. It's nuts.
Once again, it's happened. I heard a tune from the Rave-ups (Molly Ringworm used to be a fan, so she had the band name scrawled on her notebook in 16 Candles and 2 tracks are featured in Pretty in Pink -- but not available on the sound track) yesterday afternoon and it was like getting a taste of a drug! Now I have searched all over the internet for their out-of-print 1985 album: "Town + Country" and have found it in New York for $10... on vinyl.
Now I just need to find someone who can burn a vinyl album to CD for me... (I'm sure there is a service somewhere...)

1 Business Trip, 2 Lessons Learned

Ever pass by a cafe during the business day and see someone sipping a coffee or tea and nibbling at a fancy cake and feel a momentary stab of jealousy? I know I have. How rich is this person that they can sit in a cafe nicely dressed in the middle of a workday?
I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. That person you envy? They may well be very unhappy. Or actually doing work. Or both.

Yesterday I was surrounded by executives as a fill-in presenter for a work conference. I knew few people and fewer still knew me. I was very nervous and uncomfortable - and was relieved to see an old contact from a previous engagement at a client in Japan. He introduced me to a few people who were happy to talk to me, and we had a mutual interest in getting their operations in Japan better equipped. Aside from these positive interactions I was quite frankly a fish out of water. And because I knew it I tried to avoid the main area were the attendees were congregating as much as possible.

I had plenty of my REAL work to do and because the hotel had wifi I could work almost effectively as sitting at my desk. I worked in empty meeting rooms until their were none, and then to avoid being underfoot I looked for a new perch.

The wifi signal was even stronger from the 1st floor (conference on the 2nd floor) - and there was a little cafe. So, I sat in the sunny, beautiful cafe of this gorgeous old (1886) hotel and had a wonderful iced tea and a raspberry marscapone cake to nibble on.

As I sat there with my laptop, fancy suit and silk shirt and my decadent afternoon snack I reflected that to passersby I probably looked like someone having a very lovely afternoon. Then it hit me; things are often not what they appear to be.
I was miserable. Worried about my presentation, worried about who would attend and what they'd think. Worried about whether I looked right, could talk right or if the attendees would see right through me and complain. The topic is one I know - but I know it from a technical point of view and these folks are not technical or functional but operationally focused.

To add to the surreal quality of the day ... surrounded by executives and upper management* that I work beside each day but who wouldn't greet me with so much as a nod of recognition at this event something a bit odd happened at the cafe.

(*Aside: although I literally sat next to one of the management team on the plane en route to Texas he never greeted me. Because he's on the sales side of the house and I am not I suppose I can give him the benefit of a doubt that he really actually doesn't know me or my face. But if I take a job offer in the organization I've been offered he'd literally be my bosses' boss and I've worked on deals within his area in the past - so I do doubt a bit that he is completely unaware of who I am. Moreover, people who I KNOW know me by name completely walked past me as if they never saw me. My theory on this is that I am a peon, and they didn't want to schmooze with a peon.)

As I sat in the cafe attempting to calm my nerves before my big presentation and trying to get some work done (because my regular job has deadlines, and the deadlines don't wait for me to get done doing a presentation that is NOT part of my job)... a homeless (or so I'd guess) man wandered in.
He was wearing hospital pants - like scrubs but for patients, had hospital id bands on both arms and a fresh bandaged spot that I'd hazard a guess was where his IV had been on his hand. He had been catheterized, and I know this because his, um, collection bag, had overflowed. Over his shirt, pants ..down his side. And into this posh hotel cafe in the middle of a sunny afternoon he wandered in looking quite unwell. He sauntered up to the cafe bar clutching the small plastic bag I know from my past experiences volunteering in the ER was used to hold his personal possessions. This was all he had. Well, that and some loose cash which I beleive he tried to use to buy a drink at the cafe bar. I think they said something along the lines that they weren't serving and he'd need to cross the street. Still, he perched on the stool just next to my sunny cafe table and stared blankly at his surroundings for a while. I got the sense I was being watched, looked up and our eyes met briefly. I smiled in greeting, acknowledging our eye contact and then turned back to my work. In a few moments he shuffled out the door, but as he passed my table he lifted one hand in a sort of noncomittal wave goodbye.

So, while the people I was there to help - to present on behalf our mutual employer wouldn't spare a nod or a smile or a "Hello"... at least thanks to the cafe waitress and this homeless man I was sure I wasn't suffering from a form of temporary invisibility.

And, I learned something about myself. I'm not cut out to be upper management if there is something about that job that makes you learn to not "see" others. I will always acknowledge others with a nod or a smile or a "hello" -- even if I don't know them or work with them. My natural reaction when I see someone approach is to smile in greeting. If I know them, I tend to say "Hey" or "Hi" or ask how they're doing.
I am apparently not made for management.

So, two lessons learned:

1. Things are not always what they appear to be.
2. There are some aspects of how I interact with people I am unwilling to change for any amount of money. Perhaps my personality and people skills are in fact, unsuitable for a managerial position.

And, when I got to slip my jeans on for work today and sit at my computer and sip iced tea I thought to myself... now THIS is the life.

I am so not balancing home and work

After emailing back and forth a bit my (prospective future boss and) colleague calls long distance to my mobile number from Australia.
Just after I pick up the call (my first mistake), the younger bites the older one's hand (she had a toy he wanted) and they both start screaming. They are wet, want to be held (both of them) and are screaming blood curdling cries in the bath. I am mid-sentence trying to explain a technical concept. I don't think, until this point, this gentlemen even knew I had children. This was a harsh introduction to that bit of information.

I don't think I could have handled that professional call with more (lack of) grace under pressure unless I'd managed to drop the cell phone in the toilet on top of it all. Small mercies, the phone is still dry, and now so are the children - and they're quietly sleeping at last.

First Day of "School" Mr. Man

First Day of "School" Mr. Man
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

His first day at his new "school" - it's cute as all get out, and he loves his Thomas the Train "pack pack" ...but he is definitely wanting to be with mommy and daddy. Hopefully he'll get settled in this week..

First Day in Kindergarten

First Day in Kindergarten
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

She made it through with a little help from her big sister. Apparently she was a bit tearful at some of the transition points - but she reports that her new teacher has "magic hugs" and is "the best teacher ever!!".

First Day in the 4th Grade

First Day of School Em
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Cutie patootie. What you can't see in this picture are the leggings that go with this outfit. Leggings under dresses are all the rage in the 4th Grade Fashion World this year apparently... and so Em is looking very cool.

Feeling Unbalanced

After working 60+ hour weeks for most of July and August I knew I needed a break. I meant for this week to be all about "getting balance" in my life. Eating healthy meals, exercising, quilting - whatever would replenish me and make me ready to go full power through the fall.

However, what I didn't know is that by planning to take some "me" time I would actually feel more guilty than rested. In my search for balance - all I feel is like I am doing everything all wrong. Or maybe I should say that I'm feeling like I do everything half-assed.

I think there must be something wrong with me that I cannot take a day off and not check email. That I make lists, lots of lists, and follow them each day - on vacation! That I feel as if I am playing "hooky" by not being at work, and feeling "lost" without my daily work routine.

The kids are at their first week of school and the youngest is starting at his new day care, I know I need to have them go to their respective places each day and get with the new fall routine. But, because I'm home during the day and not with my kids - I feel like a "bad" mommy.

Because I can't just "turn off" my work brain and keep checking email - I feel like I'm doing a half-ass job at "vacationing" too.

Still, after doing too much errand running and not enough of the things I'd PLANNED to do on my vacation yesterday - I think today I did better.

Today I took a Fitness Yoga class, got new books (woo hoo!) by some of my favorite authors, had a Pedicure and took a 6 mile bike ride. I also managed to throw in a bunch of errands and a few emails (because apparently I can't not check work emails).

Tomorrow I hope to do another Yoga class, pick up Jeff from the airport and maybe meet with my mentor for coffee. Then my buddy Holly comes for a visit and I think Friday I will really manage to put the "Out of Office" message on my computer email for that day. That day I will REALLY vacation. Or.. at least that's my goal.

And maybe then I will feel "balanced" ...just in time for vacation to be over.

A Letter Would Be Better

Where we live in the Twin Cities, for some reason they have a very unique system for how you find out who will be teaching your child each year. They post teacher assignments on the glass windows of the entry doors and have an Open House. No letter home with an annual class supply list and a "Welcome to 1st grade and Mrs. Blah Blah's class".. You have to find the supply list online, and come to the Open House to figure out who your teacher is.

This whole system.. I think it's impersonal and at best.. and most years feels like barely controlled chaos.

You wade through the sea of people to wait your turn to make it near the glass to look your kid's name up on the list, walk in the doors and surf the human tide on your way to the classroom to meet the teacher for the first time. You and.. about 3000 other people all at once.
See, it's the largest elementary school in the US (or so I've been told) with 1,370 students K - 5. So, imagine, 1370 kids, with their 2+ parents (step parents, siblings) all cramming into the building in a brief 2 hour window to find out who their teacher for the year is and picking up vital paperwork to be filled out, etc.

We've been doing this now for a few years..as this year we have a Kindergartner & a 4th grader. We've learned a few tips that other parents could use:

1. Get there EARLY. There will be no parking, legal or not, by the advertised start time.
2. Did I mention you should get there early? Because it starts at 4pm, that actually means "Thou shalt be parked by no later than 3:45pm, or else". Really. I always take this afternoon off early and make sure to get there well before 4. It's always almost full when I pull into the lot at 3:45. Also, even when I've arrived earlier than 4pm - the doors are always open and other people have already gone on in.. So, it actually starts earlier than they say.
3. After meeting the teacher (don't hog! A brief introduction will do, then move along please!) you MUST go into the gym and sign up for Fall parent-teacher conferences. Don't know what your schedule looks like in November yet? Well, woe unto you.
4. There are cookies in the cafeteria, and activities in the art rooms. Prepare the kids in advance that you will not be partaking - because it's not worth fighting the crowds. We promise other fun activities for afterwards (swimming at the Y, shopping for the older one) instead.
5. Because the Open House falls EXACTLY at the dinner hour any McDonalds or Subway within a 5 minute drive of the school will also be CHAOS. Avoid those at all costs. Drive the 10 minutes in any other direction to find a McDonalds in a different school district.

This post was inspired by reading Mary's post on her son's first grade letter from the teacher:
http://www.circuslunch.com/archives/2006/08/

How I wish they would just send a nice, simple, personal letter by mail to welcome each child.

A short list of goals for my week off:

1. At least 2 exercise sessions, one of which shall be BodyFlow and/or FitnessYoga.
2. Go see "Little Miss Sunshine"
3. Finish Penny's quilt
4. Begin cutting pieces for new quilt
5. Lunch with Angie
6. Visit with Holly
7. No more than one day at work instead of home on vacation (though, I can't help but check email..)
8. Eating healthier meals, and lots of cooking/baking at home.
9. Perhaps the bi-annual tradition of hauling my other season's clothes out of the crawl space.. if I get to that..

Tank Girl

Tank Girl
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Does she not look so totally ready to conquer the world? Or at least Mrs. B's Kindergarten class? L-Loo is on top of the tank after riding her favorite pony.

A Post is Brewing

I've recently discovered, by way of this blog: http://thirdculturekid.blogs.com/third_culture_kids/
And this site: http://www.thirdculturekid.com/... and many others like it.. that there is actually a NAME for the feeling I've had since spending part of my teen years in Japan, and then living in Japan for years after college.

That neverending homesick feeling for a place that really isn't "home". Missing all things Japanese, the language, the music, the culture the tolerance of others and respect for the seasons..wanting to go back and live there.
And then, when I'm there for extended periods I know I'll feel the same way about the States. Missing drive thrus, drive in's (the few that are left), wide open spaces not crowded by people... and free refills of massive glasses of iced tea in restaurants. Missing family and friends. Missing the anonymity that not being a minority brings. Being able to move about my day without ever wondering if the way I'm being treated is because I don't look like everyone else. Sabetsu. It actually bothered me where I used to live in Japan.

There is a job lead that would bring us to Japan. Not permanently, mind you, just for a few years. The whole family. Hubby understands what this means to me and is adventurous enough to give it a go - if the conditions are right.

However, a thought that has often crossed my mind is this: Would I be causing the same Third Culture result in my own children by raising them for part of their childhood in a (very different) culture?

I've had a post brewing on this on my head for a few weeks now. I'm not ready to put it all down in words just yet.

I want my kids to grow up outside the US at some point. I want them to learn a second language. Of course, because I have such an affinity for all things Japanese, I'd love for them to share this other culture and language with me, too.
I want them to experience life with a global perspective. I want these things for them - but wonder if the drawbacks are greater than I can even imagine at this time. The transition - new home, new school, new friends...it's a BIG move.
Missing family and friends. The language barrier until they become more conversant in Japanese.

It's not about Japan versus the US for a place to raise kids. I feel somewhat aware of the pros and cons on each... It's about the personal decision to make a big change to my kids' childhood. One that I can't take back. One that I might regret. Or, regret if I don't take the risk jointly with hubby to have them experience.

I've got some heavy duty thinking to do here before I proceed...

Caboose Ride

Caboose Ride
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Another scene from our Saturday outing. Big sister rides up top in the caboose.

Choo Choo Heaven

Choo Choo Heaven
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Fun from Saturday at the Jackson Street Roundhouse - or as I call it: Choo Choo Heaven for little boys. It's even fun for the rest of the family - but, as you can imagine, Mr. Man loves it best of all. They have tons of train tables and a never-ending Thomas the Tank Engine episode loop playing on a nearby big screen TV.

An Open Letter to the Birthday Princess

The Birthday Girl
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

I've read a lot of posts where people write lovely, funny and heart warming messages on their children's birthdays, or even just monthly recaps as their child reaches 23 months, 27 months, etc.

I've got the antidote to that right here. Check out the attitude on our darling oldest child at her birthday party this past weekend.

Now, to her credit, this is not her usual demeanor. She is a sweet child with a loving heart, a tad on the dramatic side, and full of funny. She cracks me up constantly. (For evidence, see my Sunday, May 21, 2006 post for stories about Em's amazing sense of humor)

However, on this particular day - she was either overtired or her little sister had just pushed her buttons or she was experiencing a little low-sugar induced mood alteration (or all 3).. and she was NOT a happy camper.

In fact, for all our planning and the fun (and expensive) treats we'd planned we were told angrily and tearfully that she was having the (and I quote) "WORST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!". Honestly, after all the effort and expense.. it was a bit hard to hear that. It was hard to hear her complaints, because we knew it wasn't that the party was bad, it was that she couldn't stand that she got a "time out" during her own party.

And this is where I must write my birthday greeting to Princess Emma on the occasion of her 9th birthday...

Dear Em, Monkey Butt, Darling Girl,

This year marks the 8th year I have lit birthday candles on your cake. You have outgrown Teletubbies, Dinosaurs and even Barbie cakes. You have grown so tall and your feet are nearly the same size as mine. You are starting to care about your outfits and hair styles and yet... you are still a little girl.
You will hate me for pointing it out to you, but my dear, you are still your mother's, father's and mine to care for and to protect and cherish... and therefore we will continue to make your life miserable for at least the next 9 years, too.

We will continue to give you time outs, set limits and give you consequences, even during your birthday party.
You can scream, pinch, throw things and call us names - and you'll think your words aren't hitting their targets because we will remain calm and to repeat ourselves in a calm voice. (Or die trying to appear calm.)

However, we do this because we love you. We are trying to teach you so that as you grow into a beautiful young woman your heart and your actions will be as beautiful (or even more beautiful) than your long flowing blond hair and crystal blue eyes.

Despite the looks of this picture, I have real hope that even as a difficult teenager that the REAL contents of your heart will be powerfully beautiful. Even if you are, as you put it: "practically a pre-teenager".. I know that there are still times you'll want to crawl into my lap and be held.

Here is how I know you are growing up to be beautiful:
I see it in how you treat others when you think we're not watching. How you readily pitch in and help smaller children. I see in how you convict me to help total strangers - because you've noticed they need help even if I've been too busy to notice.
I see it in your generous heart. You give easily and constantly. You will extend a hand of friendship with any other child you encounter ---Em, you make friends as naturally as you breathe in and out.

I see it when you honestly just feel for other people. You call it like you see it: "That's just mean!" or "She should share that..." -- you're right, and it shows your heart is in the right place.

Em, even when you're telling me I'm an evil stepmother and even when you scream that you hate me - I know, deep down, that you love me... and I hope you always know that I love you. Always. No matter what. Even when I'm mad, sad or disappointed - even when I'm telling you to go take a time out. I still love you more than you can know.

And lastly, if I could have a wish for you - I'd wish that this actually WAS the worst birthday you ever have.. because then I know you'd be having some amazingly happy years ahead.

Much love,
Your evil stepmother

Mr. Man

Mr. Man
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Michael put his cap on this way - I have the best movie of him laughing his deep chortle (he has a surprisingly low sounding belly-rumbling laugh for such a little kid) playing with this remote-control snake toy. 2 years old is such a great, fun age (most of the time).

Poor Greenie

Poor Greenie
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

I was rear-ended by an F-350 last night. Luckily no kids in the van at the time, and I'm just fine, too. Poor Greenie needs some fixin' though..

Summer

Summer_2006
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Birthday Boy

Birthday Boy
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

And belatedly, here is a picture of baby boy turning 2.

Another Proud Moment in Parenting...

I was working late when my office phone rang. Hubby, who has the kids with him, has driven to the airport to greet a German colleague who is in town. As frequently happens, the flight has been delayed, so hubby & kids had some time to kill.

Down south, near the airport, is the well known: "Mall of America" complex and it's newest big addition: IKEA. We have LOTS of IKEA furniture in our house, most of it from the Chicago IKEA.. bought and hauled 8+ hours north to our abode before the IKEA opened in our metro area.

Hubby decided to go to IKEA this evening with the kids, mainly because middle daughter suggested it would be a great place to have dinner while they wait for the guy's plane to arrive.

At this point I must explain that LAST weekend we tried to go to IKEA. We had a birthday party Saturday afternoon in the neighboring south metro suburb Eden Prairie and then decided a trip to IKEA would be good.

I was driving and en route to turning into the IKEA lot a car with Winnipeg plates got in the left lane and I in the right lane, and then once he figured out he'd chosen the wrong lane pulled directly in front of my van, cutting me off and forcing me to slam on the brakes to avoid a collision.
I gave the driver, who very nearly smacked the front of my minivan, a friendly "Hey, Welcome to Minnesota - please learn to obey the traffic laws" sort of greeting... the one finger salute. You know which finger I mean, right?

Well this driver, apparently not used to being called on his appalling driving skills decided he would then stop - and when I say stop, I mean stand on his brakes 10 yards short of the stop sign both our vehicles were approaching in a single lane (MY lane, that he'd cut into). This second test of my brakes pleased me not at all. Then the driver acted as if he was going to get out of his car. He opened his door and started to shout something I could not hear over the din of my air conditioning and screamining children. Just as I was about to go around him and proceed onwards, he closed his door and moved along.

Now I'm in a foul mood. Jeff is criticizing me for not yielding my lane without flipping off the other driver (it was MY lane, and he DID cut me off.. he should have stayed in the left lane, HIS lane..). But, whatever.

As we make our way in the parking garage I start to pull into a parking spot. Just as I'm easing forward, driving straight into the spot a car darts towards us on the left. I see it in my peripheral vision and pause, just to make sure they're not going to ram us. The other driver, a young 20ish woman, takes this pause on my part as her opportunity to slide into the parking spot, just narrowly missing the front of the minivan as she cuts, from the left, into the parking spot.

At first I am stunned into silence. The audacity! Then, almost automatically, the finger goes up. Jeff cannot fault me this time, she CLEARLY almost hit us taking OUR parking spot. So, he just picks on my flipping her off. As he chides me, it makes me even MORE angry. At this point we punt and leave IKEA without ever getting out of our car. I have NO desire to go there and be amongst such agressive icky people.. and now I'm pissed at Jeff, too.

Which brings us back to today... and my proud parenting moment.

Jeff calls and says: "Hey, guess what.. "

He goes on to tell me he went to IKEA with the kids, was on the cell phone talking to a Supplier (business call) and as soon as he pulls into the parking structure at IKEA our youngest (he's just turned 2) starts saying, clear as a bell:

"F%ck you. F%ck you. Mommy." Jeff swears (no pun intended)that he said this 3 times in a row.

Lovely. Just lovely.

Oh for shame. I'm such a crap mom sometimes.

Before and After

Before and After
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

My kind husband, who makes frequent suggestions on what I "ought to blog" is essentially becoming a co-contributor to this blog. So, consider this a post from him.. because he created this for me: My official Before and After photo.
On the left, is me on Michael's 1st birthday. On the right, Michael's 2nd birthday. One year, and 40lbs of weight loss later, I have to say.. yeah, you can tell a little bit that I've lost weight. I was getting really fluffy, and having a hard time finding things to wear in the summer of '05. Things are better this year. Though.. what I wouldn't give to have my long hair back.. but that.. that can be my next goal.

I am moved

My company moved offices this week. It's kind of nice I think - like being given a brand new rental car to drive around. Sure, it's not yours to keep but you can still enjoy the new car smell, right? Maybe I'm weird, but the scent of fresh paint and new carpet and carpet glue is making me high as a kite making me very happy in my new, unfinished cubical. (They, uh, ran out of desks I guess. So, it's just me and my moving crates and a mini segment of desk jutting out from the wall. I'm told eventually I'll have a completed workspace..)

The only thing that has me spooked are the restrooms.

Either the new building is haunted or they have some MAJOR kinks to work out.

While using the restroom on two different occasions after I secured the stall door (you know, turn the knobby thingy so no one can open the door while I'm in the stall) the door flew, and I mean FLEW open suddenly. The 2nd time I was standing there pulling up my pants for all to see. (Luckily the ladies room was empty. Small graces, eh?)

However, I am SO not about to write up a "Trouble Ticket" on this one. How would I possibly write it without becoming the laughing stock of the Facilities team?

Happiness is....

Polaroid
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

A simulated polaroid shot of one of the happiest moments on my last business trip. My obligatory trip to MOS burger.

This summer's shake is the Guava Aloe Genmai. YUMMY!

And now for something completely different...

Another oldy-but-a-goodie from the family film archive. Lucy says: "Alo-ho-HA!"



Alo-ho-HA! on Vimeo

Educated women opting out - or, WTF is ABC news doing putting the spotlight on crap like this?

I encountered this bit of information from a wonderful blog that I read frequently: http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.com/

This lead me to the ABC news story and an excerpt from Linda Hirshman's newest book. I say "book" in the loosest sense of the word here, because I find it to be mindless regurgitation of old 1970s feminist propaganda with no relevance for the year 2006.

Here are some quotes that stick in my craw:
"In "Get to Work: A Manifesto for Women of the World," she argues that a new revolution is needed to reform the sexual politics of family and to make women realize that full participation in the work force and the public sphere is their only path to becoming self-actualized human beings. " (ABC news)

"Their husbands won't carry enough of the household to enable them to succeed fully in the public world. Glass ceiling? The thickest glass ceiling is at home."
- excerpted from LH's book "Get to Work"

"- Never know when you're out of milk. Bargain relentlessly for a just household."
- excerpted from LH's book "Get to Work"

"Child care and housekeeping have satisfying moments but are not occupations likely to produce a flourishing life. Gender ideology places these tasks on women's backs; women must demand redistribution."
- excerpted from LH's book "Get to Work"

First of all, I must go back for a historical explanation regarding my own personal circumstances.

My mother was a SAHM mother. She was college educated, but all she was encouraged to get was her MRS degree. She had wanted to major in Spanish and move to Latin America, but her parents encouraged her to follow the path available to her: to be a nurse or a teacher. So she became a Kindergarten teacher.
My father was her great "catch" - a young pre-med student when she met him in college, she worked and supported him through his medical school and residency, and later had the comfortable "privileged" life of a doctor's wife for about a dozen years (before they divorced).

I was raised hearing one message, my younger sister another. What I heard was: "You'd better get good grades and get a good education because you'll need to get a good job to support yourself..because we're not sure if anyone will ever find you attractive enough to marry you." My sister heard: "You're so pretty, it's nice you have so many friends. Don't worry about school, just find a rich husband."

So, I was the "smart but ugly" one and she was the "pretty but dumb" child. This message was reinforced by our parents and extended family for all of our formative years.

How f'ed up is THAT? That is not feminist or anti-feminist, that is some messed up parenting. Period.

Still, both my sister and I grew up to be happily married women who have had satisfying careers thus far in our life.

How did this come to be? Well, let's side step that question for a moment and go back to what is so very very wrong with the central arguement of "Get to Work".

The central arguement is that women are not fulfilled unless they are using their minds in the working world. At this point I must insist that if I had the financial means to be a stay-at-home-mom I assure you I would be JUST as fulfilled, and perhaps even more so than I am now as a full-time working mother / slash-career woman working my way up the corporate ladder in America.

Probably the single largest change that LH misses is that her thinking, so 1970s-centric at it's core.. no longer applies in this era of "no spanking" and "kinder, gentler" child-raising.

The same societal messages pushing women to breastfeed, hand grind fresh organically grown vegetables, co-sleep and wrap our babies' behinds in only re-usable hemp diapers washed in bio-friendly non-chemical laundry detergent cannot also be simultaneously pushing us to be "super woman" and use our advanced degrees and dump our babies in day care, can they? This just doesn't jive. (And yet.. I swear, I hear both of these contradictory messages...)

As for me, there is no glass ceiling at home. In fact, we are currently pondering a career move that would make me the primary/sole wage earner and would give my husband a few years off as a a stay-at-home-dad ..if I take an international post with my company.
Even if we don't take that particular path, we have an amazingly equal partnership that sounds NOTHING like the quotes from the books above. I earn about the same amount as my husband now, we share all domestic duties, and we both try so hard to balance both work and home priorities. We both share child care duties (who takes the day off when a kid is sick and can't go to day care), we both try to center our work schedules around what is important for our family (time together), we don't overschedule ourselves or our children's activities. We have a truly equal partnership, all the way. He does as much laundry as I do (or perhaps more). We share cooking and cleaning chores. He can do whatever I can do with the children (none of them are breastfeeding anymore), and he'd argue that in some ways he's better with the kids than I am. (He's more easygoing. I'm more into routines and schedules.)

I am "fully self-actualized" - but it has NOTHING to do with who is doing the domestic chores at my house, nor is it because I'm working outside the home! It has to do with the fact that I am responsible for my own happiness and for being a good mother, good friend, good partner, good wife, good daughter, good sister, etc.
I know what brings me joy. Holding my children, playing with my kids, cuddling with my husband, quilting, reading - and I know that my sense of self-worth is not dependent on a JOB or kudos from my boss -- nor is it solely based on how neat and tidy my home is. To boil life down to such simplistic measures is shallow and stupid.

And there we have it. I find Linda Hirshman's diatribe to be shallow and simplistic. It's not relevant to my life nor do I find value in her comments for the current generation of working mothers. She just doesn't get it.

And, not unlike the dangerous messages both my sister and I were fed as young women- this message is not a healthy one for young women in the year 2006 to hear. Your career is not your life! Using your brain isn't a mandate related to your gender! You are not the sum of your reproductive parts, nor do you have a societal mandate to overacheive just because you were born without a Y chromosome.
You CAN have a meaningful life as a caretaker for children if (big if) that is what you find meaning in for you personally. Taking time off from ruling the world to care for yourself, your children or an ailing parent is not a feminine trait, it's a HUMAN trait.

Wedding Procession

Tokyo_June17 005
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

There were lots of weddings going on at Meiji Jingu on Saturday. This one strolled right in front of me, and so I couldn't resist getting a picture of the nakodo leading the bride and groom to the start of the ceremony.

Another picture from Saturday at Meiji Jingu

Tokyo_June17 011
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

This is an incredibly rare photo.. because it doesn't have tons of people in it. It's almost impossible to get a picture at Meiji Jungu (especially on a weekend) without it being full of passersby...

Saturday in Tokyo

Tokyo_June17 002
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Went to Meiji Jingu. Surprisingly, after all the time I've spent in Tokyo over the years, it was my first visit there. It was lovely. The weather was warm and not too humid (considering rainy season has begun). The sun peeked out a few times. I got a "kotsu anzen" omomori (protective amulet to ward off car accidents for my minivan) and enjoyed the scenery.

So little time, so much Duck to eat...

Peking Duck 004
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

I was in Beijing for just 3 nights, and I had Duck at least 3 times. I really like it, so that's not a complaint, honestly.

This picture is from the first night in Beijing where we went to one of the most "famous" places to have Peking Duck - a restaurant that's been serving duck in the same location for 142 years.

I have almost no other pictures of Beijing - because all my time was spent working. I passed Tianamen Square probably half a dozen times in a hired car, but never got a picture.

Oh well. Perhaps there will be a "next time" for me to travel to Beijing - after all I have a multiple re-entry visa.

Beijing Bound

Maybe I'll have interesting pictures and stories to post.. as I leave for Beijing and Tokyo this Sunday. Until them I'm just sick with anxiety.

You Spin Me Right Round...

An oldie but a goodie - of baby boy before he could dance on his own.

Time in Texas

River Walk
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Both hubby and I have been in Texas the past week. Me in Austin, and then almost as soon as I got home, he was off to San Antonio.
While I got to eat some fantastic Mexican at La Fonda San Miguel, he got to spend part of his Memorial Day weekend at the River Walk in San Antonio.

And Ode to the Oldest

Emma
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

This weekend has been an eventful weekend. Our littlest moved into a "big boy" bed and our middle has a cold. But this afternoon I was thinking of our oldest and laughing.

Em does that - she's a funny (and beautiful) girl.

I love to tell people that I'm free to brag about her because I have no genetic contribution. She's my step-daughter, but I always consider her my oldest child because I've been part of her life since she was about 18 months old.

So, here's what had me giggling in the middle of the day when Em was at a birthday party. We drove past the Chinese buffet place and I remembered how Em calls it the: "Die-Nasty Buffet" (Dynasty Buffet).

And then Jeff reminded me of how the other day she got a bright idea to trick him. In the morning Jeff will ask both the girls to change into their outfits. He'll set them in the living room as they're watching tv and starting to wake up. He runs around checking email and checks back - making sure they're actually getting dressed.

Em had this great idea to change into their clothes, then leave another set of outfits laying out that looked like the ones that Jeff had asked them to put on. Then they hid.

So, Jeff came into the living room to check on them, saw the outfits still sitting out and started yelling.. "Why aren't you two dressed yet?!" ..and then Em and Lucy popped out, fully dressed and said: "Hey, what are you yelling for, we've BEEN ready." (they were laughing at their trick of course..)

That's so Emma. She's so smart, so wickedly funny. I can't wait to see what this goofy girl will do next.

Working in a Salt Mine...

Salt Mine in Berchtesgaden
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

Here is how Hubby spent Mother's Day - visiting a Salt Mine (with his client, so technically this is work, entertaining the customer) in Berchtesgaden near the Austrian border of the Alps.

Looks very pretty there.

Mother's Day

Hubby has been out of town on business trips basically all of May. I don't say this as a "poor me" kind of thing - because basically life has gone relatively smooth (knock on wood) during his travels and because I genuinely just feel bad for him this time. I miss him, the kids miss him, I know he misses us - it just sucks and we're all just doing the best we can.

Partially because of this, I have now taken the kids TWICE in two weekends to the Mall of America. Clearly, I am not following our normal routine, because, well, it's disrupted with Daddy gone. And so I am overcompensating in some sort of giddy "we must do extra fun stuff!" and in a terribly materialistic way. Or, maybe I'm just craving China Island Chicken Salad from the Rain Forest Cafe. Not sure. Could be some of both.

Either way, here is a story for Mother's Day.

The Mall THIS weekend was far busier than it was last weekend when we went - probably by a factor of 5. Part of it is the annual Mother's Day Komen Race for the Cure hoopla at the mall. And no doubt, the chilly rainy weather. Even so because I'd promised and because we needed to buy things for Grandma and my stepdaughter's bio mom (Yes, we buy her presents for Mother's Day, her birthday and Christmas. That's just how it is.) we soldiered on into the busy mall.

The kids were very patient with the long lines to ride rides. We did our shopping with precision strikes: I knew just what I planned to get and we were in and out of Bath & Body pretty quickly despite long lines. No one fidgeted and no one complained. It went well, I thought.

It was all pretty smooth until I tried shopping for kid clothes at H & M. In case you don't have one in your town, it's this trendy Euro-style (well, it's a Dutch retailer) cheaply made stuff. It's Target prices (and less!) for trendy cute clothes. It's especially good for kids stuff. Super cute, super inexpensive. And, it's NEVER been busy in the kid's section when I've shopped there. It's mainly twenty-something waif like types that are lining up for the dressing room with a stack of size 0 white jeans, y'know?

In any case, after loading up with a couple of outfits each for the two older girls, we went to line up to pay. The line was longer than I've ever seen it - almost to the entry to the store. Just as we got in line and were talking to the woman just ahead of us: "Wow, long line.." a woman tapped me on the shoulder and said: "Actually I was in line before you." I noticed the woman I'd been talking to shook her head and shot me a dubious look, but I didn't get it. So, I backed my stroller up, let her in front of me and then she tried the same story on the next woman! Who then said: "Yeah right. Too bad. You can wait." So, instantly I knew I'd been had. Oh well, she had a big double wide Mall rental stroller, maybe she had fidgety kids that were younger than my 3, right? Uh, no. I finally noticed that she had no kids, no kid clothes, and the free mall stroller was stacked with shopping bags from several stores. She had no kids' store bags, just places like: Express, Bloomingdales, American Eagle, etc. Again, I just figured: "Oh well. Maybe her husband is off with the kids." But then I noticed (after all, we were in a LONG line, for like 15 minutes+) no wedding ring. Oh well. Whatever.

Then, as we got right up to cash registers another pretty 20-something type came up to her and they started chatting in a foreign language. Lady #2 had arms full of clothes she planned to buy, too - and a latte, which she was slowly dumping on the floor of the store in a lovely arc that splashed the front of my son's legs (until I rapidly backed up). An H & M employee ran over and started mopping it up, and that's when Lady #2 hopped right in line ahead of me. I said to the woman mopping up her spill: "I don't believe that. She just cut in line ahead of me. I've been behind the lady with the red stroller for over 15 minutes and her friend cut ahead!" The H & M woman looked at me sympathetically, but didn't say anything. And sure enough, when I finally got called to a register it was next to lady #2. And guess who was ringing her up? The poor woman who'd had to mop up her latte spill. The woman (the cashier) looked at me and said: "Some people are just like this. "
Sure enough moments later Lady #2 is yakking loudly into a cell phone in a foreign language and the cashier is saying: "Excuse me, Excuse me.. it says your card is being declined.." They tried 2 cards while I was there, and the whole time she's blabbing into her cell phone and paying no attention to the cashier. At last the cashier tells her the second card is also declined so she tries to rummage in her purse for cash to cover the amount. She starts telling the cashier: "Take this off. Oh, I only wanted that shirt. I think you charged me too much - that one was on a sale rack.." The poor cashier is left re-ringing up the sale and taking off merchandise. She looked over at me and met my eyes, then walked over momentarily under the guise of helping the young man bagging up our purchases and sighed very heavily.

Some people's children, eh? I left there feeling fortunate that I don't work at H & M.

And then, a quote from Lucy on the Eve of Mother's Day.

I was baking cookies for tomorrow's dessert at my SIL's house. One fell off the baking sheet as I was trying to get the sheet out of the hot oven. It was stuck in a way that if I closed the oven door, it would squish cookie and M & M pieces in between the door in a hard to reach place. So, I tried to use tongs and chopsticks to get the bits out to prevent a messier clean up. Lucy watched me and shook her head and said:

"Man, I am SO glad I am not a Mommy. I wouldn't want to do THAT job!"

Oh Lucy-loo, if only you knew. Cleaning up cookie crumbs from the oven isn't so bad. In fact, it beats a million other mommy jobs I've done: like holding you when the nurse takes blood from your arm, or coaching you through painful constipation, or cleaning up your puke in the (then) brand new minivan. And still, I'd gladly do it all again and then some to snuggle next to you tonight and have you whisper: "I love you Mommy".

Hard to believe..

Rockin'
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

her favorite song used to be "Baby Beluga" by Raffi. Now our two oldest are enamored with the cast of High School Musical, downloading lyrics to sing along.. and here is our family top 3 hottest tunes we all sing:

1. "Big Butts" ("I like big butts and I cannot lie.." - a la Sir Mixalot

2. "None of Your Business" (Salt N Pepa)

3. "Tear in My Beer" (Hank Williams)

Yes, we are terrible parents apparently.

Easter

Easter
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

A belated photo from Easter.

Lucycle

Lucycle
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

She's turning 5 this weekend.. and has no idea that her Grandma and Grandpa from Ohio and Daddy and I went in on a new bike for her. It's pink, has pink streamers and hand brakes. She's going to LOVE it. (She's pretty fond of riding her bike - but she's outgrown the old, smaller one.)

She knows she's getting her American Girl doll (because she picked it out) from the other Grandma and Grandpa and us.. but she will be truly surprised by the cool new bike.

Now I know why parents spoil their kids. Because it's sooo much fun to look forward to their happy faces.

Stop The Hate

So, this post is partially about how strongly I agree with the efforts of this web "clique": http://openmind.clemish.com/about.php

..and partially about how I cannot get over how hateful people are these days!

Seriously folks, it's getting so that I want to just stay in my house and not go out.

While I was in Chicago with Holly we went for lunch at a Thai place in sort of a strip mall location. As Holly was pulling into the parking spot (a right turn) the car behind her, impatient to pass her, pulled in between Holly and the parking spot! Yes, passed ON THE RIGHT, in a narrow parking lot lane AS WE WERE TURNING RIGHT.

I have NO idea how this chick didn't hit Holly's VW with her stupid SUV. Had she hit us, it would have been ME that she creamed. (And she was driving WAY too fast for a parking lot.) Both Holly and I had a mini heart attack and then thought REALLY hard about walking the oh, ten parking spaces up where she parked in front of the "Get Fake Nails" salon and letting all the air out of her tires.

What, she couldn't wait 15-30 seconds for Holly to finish pulling into the parking spot? Those 30 seconds would make her too late for her hour of pamepering at the nail place?

Last night again I had a moment where there was another near miss by another idiot - and what's more he followed that up by yelling at me!

I had just picked up my new glasses and was on the cell phone getting everyone's McDonald's order (on my way home). A guy on a motorcycle (and I have a LONG BAD history with people on motorcycles) didn't look and started to pull into my lane. Seriously, he never bothered to look and I was RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.

My car is bright green (see picture below) and my chrome wheels are hard to miss. Yet, he was pulling directly into my passenger side. Not in front of me but BESIDE me. So, I veer as far as I can (without hitting concrete) to the left and honk to let him know he's about to hit me (because he's still not looking!).

Thereby the grace of God (or Bhuddha, Goddess or your-higher-power-of-choice) he realized he was about to wreck into me and got back in his (right) lane.

When he could, he got right behind me and rode my ass. Even better, at the next traffic light he pulled his bike up so his front tire was touching my rear bumper and revved his engine until he got my attention. Then he started YELLING at me.

"It's 40 MPH back there!!!" (Well, duh. I know that. I wasn't going but maybe 43 MPH)

I'm still on the phone with Jeff and I am SHAKING. I roll down the window and say: "I am going to call the police!" (That's his warning)

Then he yells something else (laced with obscenities)

Then I say: "You should LOOK before you change lanes. You are unsafe!"

Yes, the strongest word I used in his direction was: "Unsafe". I didn't flip him off, I didn't call him names - I just sat in my minivan and literally SHOOK with fear and anger.

He turned off on the next possible street (perhaps he thought I actually HAD called the police - though I was still on the phone with Hubby).

Now, here's where it gets even weirder.

There was ANOTHER car. A car that never saw the near-miss with the motorcycle, they got off the highway further up the road from there. It was filled with Uptown types. (In the Twin Cities that would explain that these are hip young people with many piercings, dramatically dyed and cut hair and possibly tattoos.) They were young, hip and in a REALLLLLLY crappy beat up Lumina. They had a guitar case, a dog and attitude to spare.

The girl in the backseat catches my eye because although she's two car lengths ahead of my minivan at the traffic light, in the right lane (I'm still in the same left lane) she is HANGING out the rear window of the car and yelling at me and flipping me off.

She doesn't know me or the motorcyclist and hasn't seen the near accident... she is just yelling:

"F$%&ing HANG UP AND DRIVE BEE-YOTCH!!!" (but not in the Disney-edited version I've typed here).

She is gesturing wildly and frequently and flipping me off.

She's not talking to the car next to her or behind her -- we're talking 2 cars behind and in a different lane. I literally stare at her gape mouthed. It probably takes me a full minute to process that SHE is talking to ME. I'm thinking: "WTF?!"

At this point I feel totally cornered. I review highlight reels in my head and torture myself.. Did I drive too fast? Too slow? I KNOW I haven't left my lane or wobbled, I'm stopped at a traffic light and haven't invaded anyones' lane at any point BEFORE the light...

I finally surmize that no - she just hates me for no (apparent) reason (at least to me).

Dudes, please, STOP THE HATE.

Just because I am a dorky mom type, drive a minivan and wear glasses and am old does not make me a bad person.

I used to look as hip as you. Really. I used to be backstage at Lollapalooza and I had lunch with Ice-T and Henry Rollins. I made brownies (not that kind!) for the Smashing Pumpkins. I used to be "Bohemian Like You" (Dandy Warhol's reference).

I embrace diversity. I believe you are born the way you are - gay, straight or whatever. I try hard not to judge and I think of it this way:

Everyone is at a different stage and place in life. No one is more or less important than anyone else. Just because you're a teenager makes your voice no less valuable than a CEO. Hell, you may BE a future CEO. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you wouldn't make a fine parent - maybe an even better parent than me.
Just because I'm old and fluffy doesn't mean I don't want to rage against corporate American just the same as you... I've just realized that it provides a mighty fine health plan and paycheck.

Apparently this sort of tolerance is too much to ask for someone like me: plain-white-bread, 30-something Mommy. But damnit, it's not fair.

Holly and I talked about this a bit last weekend. Our current theory is that people feel anonymous. It's not like when we grew up and all the neighbors knew our names and would feel free to go to our parents if they saw us doing something stupid.

It's like in this age of microwave meals, Instant Messaging and High-speed Internet access that people feel less personal responsibility in their dealings with others in "real life". Like, they can flip me off and cut me off and then not worry - because they figure they'll never see me again in their neighborhood. Or when they're interviewing for a job. Or when they go to get gas in their motorcycle at the gas station on University Avenue. Oh, but they are so wrong.

But.. if I want to practice what I preach.. I'd better be nice to them anyhow.

Greenie's New Shoes

Greenie's new shoes
Originally uploaded by Geeky Mama.

While I was off spending a decadent weekend in Chicago, my dear husband Pimped My Ride.

I am feeling very spoiled at the moment. A full recap of my weekend reads like a list of my most favorite people, places and foods.

I drank raspberry liquor infused sangrias, ate yummy tapas, slept 8~9 hours uninterupted, chatted Holly's ear off, fabric shopped, stock-piled goodies like いちご大福, bought new 大塚愛 and 安室宗　美恵 CDs, アンアン（雑誌）, and 「嫌われ松子の一生」山田宗樹の新本 at Mitsuwa... and we even topped it off with shoe shopping at DSW and going to see a movie! (Unheard of for me! Jeff and I make it to like 3 movies a year, MAYBE).
(*Side note: "Failure to Launch" was light, fluffy and VERY funny.)

I had copious time to read, play sudoko, work on my quilt for P's new baby, listen to music, chat with Holly.. it was wonderful start to finish.

Meanwhile, not only did hubby keep the homefires burning, but he was so productive that he got the new tires on the van, cleaned the whole house, did the laundry, took the kids to gymnastics and a family party, and even got baby boy's haircut. He's putting me to shame.

Now, back to our regular programming.